An Accident in Broad Daylight - - - Chapter 65

Chapter 65

In a tourist city during peak season, the time spent stuck in traffic was directly proportional to the enthusiasm of the humans. To combat this, Xu Tangcheng bought a small electric scooter to fulfil his daily transportation needs.

The roads here were different from Beijing. There were many slopes, many rises and falls. When he rode on the scooter, there was a feeling of zooming past at lightning speed. Gradually, Xu Tangcheng gained a new hobby. Sometimes it was in the early morning before he went to work, sometimes it was during sunset, sometimes it was in the middle of the day when the bright sun baked him, and there were also times when it was during the night that still maintained the warmth. Wearing board shorts, riding the scooter, he wound his way through the streets, some wide, some narrow. During those times, he thought of nothing; all he felt was that he was doing something that resembled a certain person, that his shadow was also overlapping with his.

The only special thing was that on a summer’s day, he met Cheng Xu again.

Cheng Xu had returned to Beijing and was busy with his graduation. When he found out that Xu Tangcheng had come to Hainan, he purposely flew over to visit him. His hair had been cut much shorter. The way he looked standing in the airport and waving at Xu Tangcheng was quite different from the soft boy in Xu Tangcheng’s memories.

But when Xu Tangcheng walked near him, Cheng Xu dropped his head a little, lowering his eyes and smiling shyly, and Xu Tangcheng felt that he hadn’t changed.

He brought Cheng Xu for ching bo leung. Sitting in the shop that had ample cold air blowing through the space, Cheng Xu asked him, “What happened to you and Yi Zhe?”

It had been too long since someone brought up that name in front of Xu Tangcheng, and also too long since someone talked to him about him.

Xu Tangcheng toyed with the sweetened beans with the spoon he was holding. He smiled softly and shook his head. “Nothing. It’s just that my family found out and were quite strongly opposed to us.”

“Then what will you do?”

“What can I do? My mum insisted that we should separate for a period of time so I’ll just slowly persuade her.”

As for the bumps and pits along the way, Xu Tangcheng only talked about them briefly. Cheng Xu didn’t continue to ask more but the change in a person was plain to see. He could feel very clearly that the Xu Tangcheng in front of him had more worries in his heart, and was more silent.

The two girls at the next table got up to leave. Xu Tangcheng looked at the person opposite him who had his head down and finally asked, “What about you? Do you have someone you like now?”

After hesitating for a couple of seconds, Cheng Xu raised his head. And that hesitation already gave Xu Tangcheng his answer.

“Eat up first.” Seeing how his mouth was open but no words were coming out, Xu Tangcheng said, “There are a lot of people here. Let’s chat later.”

When they left the shop, Cheng Xu said that he wanted to take a walk on the beach. Xu Tangcheng immediately laughed and asked him, having been at the seaside for so long, hadn’t he seen his fill?

Cheng Xu pushed his glasses up. In the warm wind, he straddled Xu Tangcheng’s scooter. “It’s not the same feeling.”

Yalong Bay was not far away. At this hour, there weren’t many people at the beach. The two of them found a shaded spot and sat down, looking out silently at the sea for some time.

“Just now, you asked me if there was anyone I like.” Cheng Xu turned his head to him and met Xu Tangcheng’s eyes frankly. “There is. Actually, when I left back then, I hid part of the reason from you.”

For some reason, a scene popped up before Xu Tangcheng’s eyes: the night Cheng Xu broke down, the overlapping silhouettes in a corner of the club. There was a tremor in his heart. Meanwhile, Cheng Xu had already lowered his head, a finger drawing in the sand beside his feet.

The sand grains turned over, revealing a name.

Xu Tangcheng saw the name gradually emerging in the sand and was rather surprised.

After confirming that he had seen it, Cheng Xu only paused for a short while before softly erasing the name with the palm of his hand.

“That night when I went to the club, I suddenly realised that I don’t understand myself at all. I don’t understand. I clearly like Fu Daiqing so much, how could I also have feelings for another man? Am I…” There was doubt in Cheng Xu’s eyes, and also hesitation. “…scum?”

“What nonsense is that?” Xu Tangcheng pressed down on his head and said, “When it comes to feelings, there are times when you yourself can’t be sure. Maybe your feelings for Fu Daiqing weren’t that kind of liking that you thought they were.”

“What do you mean?” Cheng Xu asked.

“I can’t explain it clearly either.” Xu Tangcheng let out a self-deprecating laugh. “It’s just… very complicated, I guess.”

No one could explain it clearly. The two of them again fell into a shared silence. After a while, Xu Tangcheng asked, “Why do you like Zheng Yikun?”

He initially thought that Cheng Xu would give him ample justification. At the very least, he would say what special characteristics Zheng Yikun had that attracted him. But to his suprise, Cheng Xu said, “I don’t know why I like him either, and I also don’t know when I started liking him. In any case, that night at the club, he called me ‘babe’ and my heart immediately started racing. It was so sudden.”

“Just like that?” Xu Tangcheng was dumbstruck. He digested those words for a while before reminding Cheng Xu tactfully, “He was probably just putting on an act at that time. And he should… have called a lot of people ‘babe.’”

“I know.” Cheng Xu nodded. “I know he was acting and I also know that he has called many people the same way. In the past, there were already two that I’ve heard of. But that day, when he called me that, it sounded so nice. No one has ever called me that.”

This reasoning rendered Xu Tangcheng speechless for the moment. He sighed and looked at Cheng Xu.

“That night, I realised that even though I usually kept avoiding him, I actually really wanted to go near him.” Cheng Xu suddenly curled his right hand into a fist in the air, like he was holding something. “He and I are not the same. The things I don’t dare do, he dares to; the ways of the world that I don’t understand, that I don’t know, he knows. Sometimes when I hear the way he talks so carelessly, I actually am quite envious of him.”

Indeed. Unlike Fu Daiqing, Zheng Yikun was someone who was completely different from Cheng Xu. He was carefree, decisive, full of confidence and ease. And because those were things that could never be learned, these differences could more easily attract a person’s eyes and keep them there.

Seeing that Xu Tangcheng was frowning the whole time, Cheng Xu laughed and asked, “Do you dislike him?”

“I don’t dislike him.” A slight hesitation, then Xu Tangcheng shook his head and voiced his worries. “But if you like him, I will worry.”

Cheng Xu didn’t comment on those words. He only brushed off the sand clinging to his pants and suddenly said, “Actually, he’s a very good person.”

Xu Tangcheng raised his brows and looked at him. Cheng Xu explained, “Do you remember, that day at the club, he was holding me the whole time.”

Xu Tangcheng nodded. He not only remembered that, he also remembered that he had gotten angry because of what happened after and had given Zheng Yikun dirty looks.

“He held me the whole time because I… my body had a reaction.”

Speaking of it now, Cheng Xu’s face turned red at once, like it had before. Xu Tangcheng was rather surprised but he did not say anything and only continued to quietly listen as Cheng Xu poured his thoughts out.

“I don’t know why either. I just heard him call me that and saw him walk towards me, looking at me, and I suddenly…” Cheng Xu lowered his head and let out a laugh. “It’s a mystery. At that time, I was very panicked and very embarrassed, so I leaned against him. He should have felt it, that’s why he held me the whole time. I was really drunk that day and my head wasn’t very clear but I remember what happened. My mood wasn’t good and I had also drank. I kept acting like a crazy drunk. I don’t know what was wrong with me at that time either. After separating from you two, I kept crying and fussing, clinging to him and touching him all over. Later on, when I sobered up, I knew that I wasn’t entirely being a crazy drunk. I was just being selfish, using the excuse of being drunk. It’s quite despicable of me. That’s why, between us two, he’s the one who appears to never be serious or proper, but he actually just likes to tease me and has never done anything that crossed the line. Instead, I’m the one who, in an instant, lost control.”

This reason for the events was not something Xu Tangcheng had guessed. That night, when he saw Zheng Yikun press Cheng Xu against the corner of the wall, he had—practically without thinking—determined that Zheng Yikun was taking advantage of Cheng Xu when the latter was not clear-headed.

“What about Zheng Yikun?” Xu Tangcheng came back himself and asked, “Are you two still in contact?”

Cheng Xu shook his head. “No. But he came to visit me once. There was once when we went out to sea for half a month and encountered bad weather. The ship nearly overturned. When we reached the shore, a lot of people from the university had come to welcome us. He got the news from somewhere and also came. We ate together but he didn’t say anything. And I also didn’t say anything.”

If it was in the past, Xu Tangcheng would definitely advise Cheng Xu to stop thinking of Zheng Yikun, that he would meet someone more suitable one day. But now, he was gradually understanding how there was no looking back, no second thoughts in love, and he no longer wanted to advise him that way.

“If you really like him, you can-”

“I said it before.”

Cheng Xu interrupted him before he could finish his words.

“Said it before?”

“Yeah.” Cheng Xu nodded and pressed his lips lightly together. “The day I left, Zheng Yikun went to see me off, right? He said a few things to me. The general meaning was that I shouldn’t just believe anyone in the future, that I shouldn’t give my total sincerity to just anyone. He also said that I shouldn’t think of Fu Daiqing anymore, that he’s not as good as I thought he was, that he wasn’t worth it. He said that one day, I will meet someone who is truly good. Then, I asked him, are you a good person?”

When Cheng Xu said that, Xu Tangcheng could guess Zheng Yikun’s answer.

“He said that he’s not.”

Cheng Xu spent three days in Sanya. Xu Tangcheng didn’t let him stay in a hotel and brought him to his home directly. Zhou Hui still remembered him and plied him with good food and drinks, not stinting on the welcome at all.

The day Cheng Xu left, Xu Tangcheng brought him to a place where he frequently had breakfast. He was also very fond of the name of the shop. It was called Under the Large Tree.

Wanting to let Cheng Xu try out all the different dishes there, Xu Tangcheng ordered a portion each of two different types of Hainanese noodles. While waiting for the food, he asked Cheng Xu if he had decided where to work. Cheng Xu answered without hesitation, “Near my home.”

“You’re not staying in Beijing?”

“I don’t think so. Even though Beijing has jobs that are more suitable, back then, I went there because of Fu Daiqing. Beijing is so far from my home. There’s no point if I stay there alone.”

After eating, Xu Tangcheng sent Cheng Xu to the airport. After Cheng Xu waved goodbye to him, when he had already turned around and was walking forward, Xu Tangcheng called him to a stop.

Cheng Xu looked back. Xu Tangcheng went forward a few steps and leaned his body to hug him.

“If you want to stay in Beijing, you can. I’ll be going back very soon.” Xu Tangcheng let out a laugh. “When the time comes, ge will protect you.”

Cheng Xu very quickly hugged him back and widened his mouth in a smile, saying, “Okay. I will think about it carefully.”

Just like a few years ago, Xu Tangcheng watched Cheng Xu walk to join the queue for the security check. He now knew more of Cheng Xu’s secrets, more of the things that put him at a loss, but this time, he was not as worried.

He had thought of Cheng Xu’s matters these few days but he also couldn’t say for sure whether Cheng Xu giving up on Zheng Yikun was right or wrong. If Cheng Xu and Zheng Yikun got together, would it be considered suitable? Up to the moment Cheng Xu left, he still had yet to get an answer to these questions and he believed that Cheng Xu was also similarly uncertain. Perhaps no one could ever live their entire life with certainty, everyone was fumbling their way without understanding why things were the way they were and what they should do. Resigned, helpless, sometimes not knowing how they should advance, but amidst their confusion and befuddlement, they still continued to advance in that state.

Thinking of it now, Cheng Xu’s departure back then should have been the right thing to do. No matter what kind of person he would encounter in the future, whether a new acquaintance or an old friend, it would be a destined encounter after going around in circles. If they were meant to be together, they would end up together.

Ever since he got to this city, Xu Tangcheng had been constantly very busy. As long as his workplace needed someone to work overtime, that person would be him. The milk in the supermarket with the best before date in three days’ time was something he always forgot to buy.

He rode his little electric scooter every day and didn’t even put on sunscreen. Naturally, he could not avoid getting tanned. Xu Tangcheng didn’t really look in the mirror and a change that slowly accumulated over the days and months wasn’t something the people close to him would notice. It was only today when his neck kept itching and he took off his shirt, wanting to look in the mirror to see what was wrong, that he finally realised that his arms and neck were very clearly divided into tanned and fair areas.

Xu Tangxi happened to come over to bring him fruits. Seeing his bare upper body, she also immediately noticed it.

“Wow, ge, it’s already winter but you still haven’t turned fair again?”

Xu Tangcheng was clearly the type that didn’t get tanned easily. Even if he became a little tanned during summer, he would very quickly return to his usual state.

It was winter already.

Xu Tangcheng’s awareness seemed a little illusionary. He couldn’t help but think, wasn’t he still wearing short-sleeved shirts a few days ago?

“Ge.”

He lowered his head and looked at his own wrist in a stupor. Standing at the side, Xu Tangxi suddenly asked, “Are you thinking of Yi Zhe-gege?”

A short pause and Xu Tangcheng finally came back to himself. He didn’t answer Xu Tangxi’s question; instead, he pulled on a long-sleeved shirt and rolled up the sleeves, extending his arms before Xu Tangxi’s eyes.

“I’m thinking, am I darker than him now?”

Xu Tangxi immediately broke out in laughter. After laughing, she said with her eyes curved, “I think that even though you’re darker now, you’re still much fairer than Yi Zhe-gege.”

The two siblings spoke mischievously about Yi Zhe’s skin tone. Xu Tangxi hid her face behind a cushion, then revealed a pair of eyes and asked Xu Tangcheng, “If Yi Zhe-gege knew that I said that, would he be very sad?”

“He won’t. He’ll say…” After quickly refuting her, Xu Tangcheng imitated Yi Zhe’s serious tone and said, “Mm, I think so too.”

Seeing his imitation, Xu Tangxi was even more unable to stop laughing. It was just too similar.

The two of them laughed for a while before Xu Tangxi brought up her phone and asked Xu Tangcheng, “Ge, have you seen this?”

It was an article posted by their university’s official account. The heading was Their Year at the South Pole.

The instant he saw the heading, Xu Tangcheng knew that Yi Zhe would be in it.

He took Xu Tangxi’s phone from her and slowly scrolled down.

“So Yi Zhe-gege went to the South Pole? What is he studying? Why did he go to the South Pole?”

“Near-space remote sensing,” Xu Tangcheng said. “I don’t really know the specifics either, didn’t this article talk about it?”

Xu Tangxi stuck her tongue out. “I only read the part that mentioned Yi Zhe-gege. I don’t understand the rest and also didn’t read it carefully. But I saw that the last part said that the data they collected this time put their team at the forefront of this domain for at least six years. That’s so amazing!”

Xu Tangxi only skimmed for the general gist; meanwhile, Xu Tangcheng carefully read each word of the article.

“Mm.” Xu Tangcheng lifted the corners of his mouth silently, then said, “He has always been very amazing.”

“By the way, ge, the main reason why I showed you this is because there’s a picture of Yi Zhe-gege in it! At the end!” Xu Tangxi couldn’t wait and crooked a finger to scroll down a couple of times, jumping directly to the photo section at the end.

There were a few accompanying photos. There were glaciers, aurorae, and one that seemed to be a photo of the place where they stayed—a not-tall building of about five or six storeys, with a half-hidden iceberg behind it. In the photo, the sky was half-darkened, the colour a little darker than Dodger blue. The top of the building was completely covered in snow. At the apex of the triangular eaves was a bright lamp, shining on the door below.

Was this where they stayed?

“You must see the last one. The last one is their group photo.”

The screen was again pulled up. And so, after two years, Xu Tangcheng again saw Yi Zhe. He was standing shoulder to shoulder with another two men, in front of a signboard with a white background and blue words. On the sign, written in bold font were the words: Geographic South Pole.

Half the sign was blocked by them. A simple map could be seen in the middle and there were a few rows of words on the right.

He was wrapped up too tightly. Xu Tangcheng could just barely see his eyes, nose and half a mouth.

Xu Tangcheng zoomed in on the photo but after doing so, the picture was blurry, instantly feeling Xu Tangcheng’s heart with disappointment.

“Ai, this one can’t be seen clearly.” Xu Tangxi was similarly vexed. Then, she asked curiously, “Is this the southernmost point? Ge, look at the words on the right side of the sign, what does it say?”

Xu Tangcheng’s finger moved to the right. Two heads gathered before the screen, inspecting the sign that was the background in the picture.

“Robert F. Scott, January 17, 1912. The Pole. Yes, but under very different circumstances from those expected.”

“What’s this? Who’s that?” Xu Tangxi asked.

“It should be the English explorer, the second person to reach the southernmost point.” Xu Tangcheng thought for a while. “The half that is blocked should be the words written by the first person to reach.”

Xu Tangcheng answered based on what he knew but he wasn’t actually paying attention. He moved his finger, wanting to take another look at that picture with the blurry face but Xu Tangxi suddenly tugged his arm.

“Mum.”

Hearing Xu Tangxi call out, Xu Tangcheng withdrew his gaze from the screen and looked towards the door.

Zhou Hui smiled and came in. There was something in her hand.

“Tangxi, I have some things to say to your brother. Go and help your dad see what to do with that phone.”

Xu Tangxi shot Xu Tangcheng a look. She nodded, took her phone from him, then went out.

Zhou Hui sat on the edge of the bed. Xu Tangcheng bent down and tidied the shirt he had changed out of just now, putting it on a chair near the door. Zhou Hui stared at the stack of dirty clothes for a while, then asked softly, “Tangcheng, these two years, do you blame me?”

“I don’t.” Xu Tangcheng was still thinking about the article and photo he had seen just now but he wasn’t slow in replying either. Seeing Zhou Hui’s rather doubtful eyes, he added, “I’m not in the position to blame you two. I made the decision, I took that path. If anyone is to be blamed, then I blame myself for not doing it well.”

“Do you still like him so much now?” Zhou Hui asked this question but after asking, she didn’t seem interested in his answer. She laughed bitterly and said, “You said that you don’t blame us but I know that, to some extent, you’re unhappy because of us.”

“I’m not.”

“Whether or not you are, would I not know?”

This time, Xu Tangcheng fell silent.

In actual fact, Zhou Hui wasn’t wrong. Even though he understood all the arguments and understood that he did not have the right, sometimes, his longing and his heartache would defeat his rationality and take the upper hand.

“In the past, the two of you told me not to look at appearances when choosing a partner. That person must be kind, sensible, filial and not selfish. So there are times when I would think, Yi Zhe meets all these requirements. Does his gender alone render all that meaningless? I really don’t blame you two, I understand that you can’t understand. It’s just that there are times when I would feel that it’s unfair. I know that you two are worried about my future but worrying about my life when I’m old can’t be the reason for giving up the decades right before me now, can it?” Xu Tangcheng looked at the floor and shook his head. His tone was calm. “To me, that doesn’t make sense.”

“Mm.” Zhou Hui forced a smile and said, “Perhaps what you say is also reasonable but your dad and I have only had this same mindset all these years. We always want you two to live safe and sound for your whole lives. We don’t ask for fame or wealth, we just want you to be safe and well. We… are not so open-minded. I hope you don’t blame us.”

Those words provided plenty of food for thought. They were an apology and also seemed to be expressing Zhou Hui’s wavering.

Xu Tangcheng was rather stunned. The moment those guesses appeared in his mind, all at once, he became tense, and also hopeful.

He stared right at Zhou Hui. As expected, Zhou Hui met his eyes and nodded, saying, “Go look for him. We give our consent.”

His very painful self-development period came to an end. And yet, at the moment his freedom was announced, his joy and relief did not come so quickly. The accumulated feelings were too many, too heavy, and the shift in those feelings were ponderous, solemn. Just like the wheels that could not turn easily when the sky was filled with heavy snow.

“But let’s not say this to Grandma. Her last checkup wasn’t good so just keep it from her for now. As for the other relatives, I’ll help you talk to them. You don’t have to worry.”

“Mum…”

His chest felt so suffocated it was burning. Xu Tangcheng couldn’t say anything.

“To be honest, I’m still worried now. However… previously, I said that the two of you should separate for a while. But it’s been two years and you two have not changed. I don’t dare to continue wearing you two down like this.” Zhou Hui’s compromise was mixed with resignation. She was truly afraid that if she continued wearing them down, the first person who broke down would be Xu Tangcheng. “Since the two of you have persevered, then you should walk your path. We won’t interfere anymore.”

The two of you?

As though she knew Xu Tangcheng’s doubts, Zhou Hui wiped her tears and passed the letter she was holding to him.

“That child wrote this letter to me. It was sent from the South Pole to our home in City C. The letter had arrived for some time already. The auntie downstairs saw it and told me, I told her to send it here.” Zhou Hui wiped her face and smiled with reddened eyes. “It’s the first time I’ve received a letter from so far away.”

Looking at the unfamiliar postmark on the envelope, Xu Tangcheng couldn’t immediately bring himself to open it.

“He said a lot to me but the most important thing is, he told me not to worry. He said… that he will definitely take good care of you…”

Xu Tangcheng lifted his eyes and saw that Zhou Hui’s eyes were staring right at the letter in his hands.

Recalling the last few lines of the letter, Zhou Hui’s complicated feelings returned. Resignation, amusement, the feeling of things settling into place… her feelings were complicated but she was very sure now that she could not persuade Xu Tangcheng to change his mind, nor could she do that to the person who wrote the letter to her.

“He said that he’s six years younger than you and is also working constantly to train his body. Even when you’re old, he will definitely be able to remain healthy and take care of you. In the future, he will support you in your old age and see you off on your final journey.”

Two drops of tears fell but Zhou Hui still kept up her smile. “This child, he’s making a vow to lay my very last worry to rest. I have nothing else to say… I can see that he truly likes you.”

Support him in his old age and see him off on his final journey?

How could there be someone who could say such things?

After a brief shock, Xu Tangcheng didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry. His thoughts were full of him, his heart was moved, his feelings a mess. Before he could have a clear conclusion and opinion, his eyes were already failing him and were heating up.

For Xu Tangcheng’s sake, Yi Zhe could say anything.

He had always spoken the truth to Xu Tangcheng. Hence, he could also do anything.

“Mum.”

Zhou Hui had said all that she wanted to say and got up to leave. But Xu Tangcheng opened his mouth and called her to a stop.

“Mum, even though the two of you have agreed, I still have some things to say.”

Seeing the look on his face, Zhou Hui took a couple of steps back and sat down again.

“You are right, he truly likes me.” Xu Tangcheng rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. He turned the envelope over and held it securely in his hand. “Actually, at the very start, he was the one who told me to come over here with everyone. I know how much he didn’t want me to leave but he couldn’t bear seeing me in a difficult situation, and also couldn’t bear to let you all go through so much heartache. So he told me that I should go, that he could bear it on his own. You said that you’re afraid I’ll have no one to take care of me when I’m old so he said that he’ll take care of me… That’s the kind of person he is. All his heart ever thinks of is only me, nothing else.”

Zhou Hui lowered his head and fell silent for a while. She nodded. It could be considered an acknowledgment, here at last.

“In the past, I couldn’t sleep well, and he went everywhere to buy me good blackout curtains. When my hands were cold, he warmed them for me. When other people aggravated him on purpose, even when he clearly wasn’t in the wrong, he apologised for my sake… No matter how much I say, I cannot finish saying the ways in which he is good. In the future, you will all know how good he is.” Xu Tangcheng paused. Finally, under Zhou Hui’s expectant gaze, he went into the main point. “Mum, I’m very thankful that the two of you are giving us your consent. I’m telling you all these now not to show off and also not to speak well of him in advance, but because there is something that I must let you two know.”

Zhou Hui’s acceptance was total and also sincere. She nodded and said to Xu Tangcheng, “Go on.”

“What I want to say is that me being together with him has never been about how much I sacrificed or how much I conceded.” Xu Tangcheng smoothed the envelope in his hands. He lowered his head, a very faint smile on his face. “That I can be together with him has always been my happiness, I have never felt that I was bearing any unfairness.”

He didn’t know what he had done to be the one in Yi Zhe’s world that was different from the crowd but he had always been thankful to himself back then.

Zhou Hui left. Xu Tangcheng was still holding the letter. He didn’t dare read it.

He had long since received the transaction notification for his bank card. He knew that Yi Zhe was in Beijing now. Countless thoughts were in disarray in his head and the clearest one was that he should immediately book a flight back to Beijing.

His phone was being charged. Xu Tangcheng rushed to the desk. He had just picked up his phone when a call came in.

Even after two years of no contact, he wouldn’t forget this number. He quickly accepted the call and when he brought the phone up to his ear, he even forgot that the charging cable was still pulling at it. His wrist jolted from the force and he hastily unplugged the phone with his other hand.

“Hello?”

He said that one single word in a hoarse voice, yet the person on the other end was slow to respond.

Why wasn’t he speaking?

Did he get drunk, and that was why he was calling?

“Yi Zhe, I…”

He brushed off all the guesses in his mind. He couldn’t wait to tell the other person the good news but he was stopped by his name being called out in a rather impolite way.

“Xu Tangcheng.”

Hearing that, Xu Tangcheng was dazed.

He didn’t call the wrong number.

He wasn’t drunk, he was clear-headed.

The person who did not call the wrong number and was not drunk was directly saying his full name with a clear head.

“After two years of not seeing you, you sure have made something of yourself, haven’t you?” Relaxed now, Xu Tangcheng was no longer as anxious as he had been. His questioning had a touch of a nasal tone, wound through with intimacy. “Who are you calling with that impudence?”

He was joking but the person on the other end did not cooperate. Yi Zhe again called his full name. Without waiting for Xu Tangcheng’s answer, he used the same stiff tone to say, “You lied to me.”

Xu Tangcheng could not make head or tail of this accusation.

“What you sang to me totally wasn’t a birthday song from Eduacor or wherever.”

Finally understanding what this was about, Xu Tangcheng only felt a corner of his heart yielding completely, secretly hiding a winter’s night. On that night, there was a camera that was aimed at him the entire time, the words asking repeatedly for a birthday present, and also the person crossing the golden stairs and running towards him.

“It’s not Eduacor,” he teased. “It’s Ecuador.”

“It’s neither.” Yi Zhe suddenly choked, his voice very low. “You lied to me…”

The sudden change made Xu Tangcheng realise the abnormal state of Yi Zhe’s emotions and he was rather panicked.

“It’s my fault, it’s my fault. I lied to you.” Afraid he would cry, Xu Tangcheng hurried to admit his lie obediently. “Yi Zhe, where are you? Are you at home? Then wait for me at home, I’ll go look for you, okay?”

He decided not to talk to him over the phone anymore. He wanted to see him right now.

But Yi Zhe said, “No.”

“Hmm?” Xu Tangcheng was startled. He stood up straight, his eyes looking aimlessly out the window towards the shaking tree leaves. “Why not?”

A bird landed on a branch. It looked up and folded its wings.

“From Fenghuang Airport to your place, how should I take the subway?”

“Hmm?” Xu Tangcheng responded instinctively, “There’s no subway in Sanya…”

Before he finished speaking, he immediately realised the meaning of those words.

But before he could ask, Yi Zhe was already speaking.

“There is,” Yi Zhe said. “Airport Line, change to Line 10 at Sanyuan Bridge, change to Line 13 at Zhichun Lu.”

Xu Tangcheng stood stunned beside the desk. His ears warmed up the phone.

“I’m here to bring you home. If Auntie and Uncle don’t agree, I won’t leave. I’ll keep pleading with them. I don’t care about shame or pride anymore, I’ll plead until they agree.” Yi Zhe paused, like he was restraining himself fiercely. “Anyway, no matter what, I’ll bring you home.”

“Yi Zhe…” Xu Tangcheng called his name, then could not speak anymore.

Outside the window, another bird had come. The branch shook, the silhouette doubled.

Yi Zhe, Yi Zhe, Yi Zhe. His name meant “to change with ease” but this person was stubbornly refusing to comply.

“Okay,” Xu Tangcheng said.

T/N:

The epilogue is combined with the last chapter in the web version but I have separated them here since this chapter is long enough. Next chapter is the epilogue.

Epilogue

Xu Tangcheng finally realised his dream of bringing Yi Zhe out for a spin on his little electric scooter.

Even though it was rather cramped for two grown men to sit together on it, having Yi Zhe’s arms around him in the open made him feel that the scooter size was just right.

Yi Zhe stayed at Sanya for a few days. In Xu Tangxi’s words, the two of them seemed to be joined at the hip and would even go to the bathroom together if they could. Xu Tangcheng realised that they might not have minded their behaviour well and were a little too unbridled, but he did not make any deliberate changes. They had not seen each other for so long. Even if they hug each other all day every day now, it wasn’t too outrageous.

The bed in Xu Tangcheng’s room was a little small but at night, they still insisted on squeezing into the same bed to sleep.

Even after a few days, when Xu Tangcheng lay down beside Yi Zhe, he still felt that it was all very unreal. He couldn’t sleep. His eyes half-closed, he brought his hand up every now and then to touch Yi Zhe on his arm, on his belly.

Yi Zhe endured it for a while. Then, he couldn’t endure anymore and caught the hand that was roving over the skin of his stomach. He turned over and whispered into Xu Tangcheng’s ear, “Stop touching. If you go on, I won’t be able to take it anymore.”

With his eyes closed, Xu Tangcheng laughed aloud. He opened his eyes, then drew close to Yi Zhe more forcefully than ever and kissed him.

Zhou Hui and Xu Yueliang were right in the next room. Yi Zhe had only been there for a few days; no matter what, he didn’t dare do anything. He lifted a leg and pinned down Xu Tangcheng’s legs, then used his arm to stop those arms from moving around.

Xu Tangcheng folded his arm back and rubbed the arm stretched across his body. “Your arm’s grown thicker.”

“I work out every day.” As Yi Zhe spoke, he even lifted his arm and let Xu Tangcheng touch the muscles there.

After pinching a couple of times, Xu Tangcheng couldn’t help thinking of that line—support him in his old age and see him off on his final journey.

The hour was late and he still had to go to work tomorrow. In the past, Xu Tangcheng was usually already asleep by this time. But today, he suddenly brought his hand up to pinch Yi Zhe’s chin and say, “Let’s chat.”

“Okay.” Yi Zhe lay on his back and asked, “What do you want to chat about?”

“Tell me about your time at the South Pole?”

“There’s nothing special about it. It’s just very cold.” Yi Zhe thought seriously for a while, then continued. “We went over with the Americans, we weren’t at the Chinese research station. Before going, we did a lot of psychological assessments because carrying guns is permitted there. Living in that kind of place for a long time can easily lead to an unstable mental state. They’re afraid that someone would suddenly have psychological issues and take a gun and shoot randomly. Actually, when doing the psychological assessments, I was very afraid that I wouldn’t pass because I missed you too much. I felt that I was almost sick from missing you. Luckily, I passed in the end.”

Xu Tangcheng listened seriously. He held Yi Zhe’s hand.

You’ve worked so hard.

“Over there, we basically just ate meat. Every week, we could only eat vegetables for one day. The vegetables were transported there from New Zealand. I stayed there for a year and the place where I was is very near the southernmost point. Thinking of it, I felt that the whole year was either the midnight sun or the polar night, there were barely a handful of normal days. During the polar night, I saw the aurorae. They’re very beautiful. I have photos, I’ll show you when you go back. But other than the aurorae, there’s nothing good about the polar night. There’s no sun at all the whole day and my body clock was messed up. I didn’t know what the time was. It was really very hard to bear. For a period of time, my roommate and I lost hair. It was especially serious for him. At first I thought the midnight sun would be better but it was actually also very hard to bear. At that time, I basically experienced what you felt, wanting to sleep but unable to fall asleep. But the curtains we had were decent, they were very good at blocking out the light.” At this point, Yi Zhe grumbled, a little upset. “But when I was leaving and wanted to buy some curtains from them, they actually refused to sell to me.”

Xu Tangcheng laughed. “Why did you want to buy their curtains?”

“To hang in our home. Those are better than the ones I bought.”

Hearing that, Xu Tangcheng propped his legs up and rocked right and left as he laughed uncontrollably.

“Let me think if there was anything fun…, right, when the polar night ended, they had a naked race.”

“Naked race? At the South Pole?”

“Yeah. I realised that they were truly unafraid of the cold. But at that time, there was an American who ran out and didn’t come back even after three minutes. The search-and-rescue team rushed out to find him. In that place, ten minutes of exposure is enough to freeze a person completely…”

“Did they find him?”

“They did., that’s right, at the South Pole, it’s very easy to lose your way because your surroundings are a vast expanse of whiteness. There isn’t much difference and there are no directions. If you walk just a bit further out, it’s easy to lose your way back.”

Xu Tangcheng nodded in the darkness. He asked worriedly, “Then, did you ever run off on your own?”

“Me?” Yi Zhe was just about to deny it when he thought of something. His voice lowered guiltily, “There was one time…”

“Hmm?”

“But there was a reason for it. My mum…” Yi Zhe fell silent for a short while, then said, “passed away.”

Xiang Xiyi?

Xu Tangcheng turned his head in surprise. He couldn’t see Yi Zhe’s face clearly but he could roughly make out that he was facing up, looking at the ceiling.

“How did she…”

“She was sick but did not get it treated. She passed away last year. At that time, I… couldn’t completely accept it so my mood wasn’t good. I went out one time without telling them. But I went back on my own.”

After those words, for a while neither of them spoke.

“Do you know? I suddenly… liked her a little. But it was too late.”

Xu Tangcheng turned his body over soundlessly. He rested a hand on Yi Zhe’s chest and patted it.

“These two years, I understood something. In the past, I felt that she was harsh and mean, that she loved no one. But later on, I suddenly thought that she actually wasn’t like that from the start.” Yi Zhe paused. “If she had been someone who only lived for herself from the very start, she wouldn’t have gotten married, and there wouldn’t be me and Yi Xun. So I thought that in the past, she was probably someone completely different from who she was later.”

Perhaps she had been simple and naive, perhaps she had loved deeply.

“Mm.”

When examined carefully, no one had a spotless and easy past. It was just that if a person didn’t become someone you cared about, you would never get to know and understand their sorrows.

“That’s why I wonder, if the one she got to know from the start was Duan Xiqiao, would it have been better?”

At this moment, when Xu Tangcheng heard those words, he finally understood even more the changes Yi Zhe had gone through. He was still that simple and brave young man, but he was making himself a part of this world, accepting the good and the bad, the satisfaction and the regret.

The stillness of the night could not conceal Yi Zhe’s emotions, nor could it conceal Xu Tangcheng’s. He craned his neck and kissed Yi Zhe’s lower jaw. Yi Zhe also very quickly returned the kiss.

“Tangcheng.”

After chatting for so long, when they were about to sleep, Yi Zhe suddenly called out to him.

“Hmm?”

“These two years, did you miss me?”

Xu Tangcheng’s eyes were half-closed and he was just about to fall asleep but when he heard those words, he woke up completely.

The single line brought him back to the hustle and bustle of the past two years. He opened his eyes and shifted his head nearer to Yi Zhe’s shoulder, seriously mulling over the answer to this question.

“I also understood something.”

“What thing?”

Xu Tangcheng stared at the ceiling in a stupor for a while, then said, “It is not only the perfect and happy endings that fill a person with anticipation.”

Yi Zhe tried his best to understand but he still felt that Xu Tangcheng was making things difficult for him. He flipped over and pinned Xu Tangcheng down, looking into his eyes in the darkness, and said, “Don’t understand.”

“You don’t understand?” Xu Tangcheng lifted his neck, knocking his head against Yi Zhe’s, and laughed. “Dummy.”

Yi Zhe didn’t care if Xu Tangcheng said he was a dummy; he immediately slipped his hand behind Xu Tangcheng’s back, pulling his entire body into Yi Zhe’s embrace. He threatened, “Hurry up and tell me, what does it mean?”

“It means…” Xu Tangcheng was done laughing. His hand stroked through Yi Zhe’s hair, again and again. He explained, “What fills a person with anticipation is another person.”

Yi Zhe again mulled over those words quietly. He dismantled the sentence word by word, then reassembled it. Finally, he planted a rough kiss on Xu Tangcheng.

“I still don’t really get it. But let’s just treat it as me being uncultured. I don’t understand these profound things, I just want a perfect and happy ending.”

Xu Tangcheng was stunned for a moment. Then, he laughed.

Mm.

Unsure whether or not this counted as a diversion, Yi Zhe lay back down. After a while, he recalled. “Wait, you haven’t said whether or not you missed me.”

Xu Tangcheng answered blearily, “Didn’t I just say?”

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

Yi Zhe thought of that incomprehensible line and was a little gloomy, “That’s not counted…”

“It is…”

In the end, Yi Zhe failed to get the answer he wanted to the question he had spent an entire night brooding over. Xu Tangcheng fell asleep first. Yi Zhe kissed his forehead softly and whispered, “In any case, I missed you every day.”

He had eaten too much fruit during the day and also drank a few glasses of the flower-and-fruit tea that Xu Tangxi brewed. In the middle of the night, Yi Zhe was unsurprisingly woken up by the very urgent need to use the bathroom. But they had slept late in the first place and Xu Tangcheng also had to go to work in the morning. Yi Zhe was afraid of waking up Xu Tangcheng when Xu Tangcheng did not sleep easily, so he kept himself stiff, not daring to move, trying to make himself fall back asleep.

But this wasn’t something that could be suppressed at will. For fifteen minutes, Yi Zhe lay in bed, despairing, before ultimately clambering up with his body tense and his movements tiny. The way he looked bending over with his arms slightly open was exactly like a cat sneaking food from the kitchen.

He didn’t put on slippers. He went to the ensuite bathroom on his tiptoes but when he came out after he was done, he saw that Xu Tangcheng was turning over in bed.

His heart jolted. Swiftly but just as carefully, he climbed into bed. When he saw that Xu Tangcheng already had his eyes open, he quickly drew the other person into his arms and cajoled in a soft voice, “Did I wake you? I went to the bathroom. It’s still early, you should sleep more.”

Xu Tangcheng didn’t say anything. Yi Zhe saw him close his eyes, and also let his own fall shut.

When his mind was hazy and nearly falling asleep, he suddenly heard a voice say, “I woke up just now and realised that the bed was empty beside me.”

Yi Zhe immediately opened his eyes and finally saw that Xu Tangcheng had woken up completely at some point. His head was resting on Yi Zhe’s shoulder, one hand drawing the curtain back to look at the moon outside the window.

Moonlight streamed in, stopping on his face. In this quiet scene, Yi Zhe suddenly felt as though he was seeing the Xu Tangcheng who had been here alone for two years.

“Actually, I did.”

As Yi Zhe’s arms slowly tightened, Xu Tangcheng said those words.

It seemed to come out of nowhere but Yi Zhe very quickly understood that he was answering the question he had kept asking before sleeping.

“Even though I purposely filled up my time, purposely kept myself so busy I had no time to spare, there were times when I didn’t manage to make plans or control myself.”

Ever since they met again, Xu Tangcheng had been warm and smiling. He’d not brought up how he went through the past two years, nor had he said anything about the torment he went through for the person named “Yi Zhe.” Even when Yi Zhe had questioned him just now, he had not said: I missed you. I missed you terribly.

But right now, his voice was quiet and calm, suddenly losing the strength it had during the day, revealing the weakness of having no strength to fight back.

“When were those times?” Yi Zhe’s heart ached for him. He wrapped his arms around him, asking softly.

Xu Tangcheng let go of the curtain. The room returned to darkness, just like each and every one of those similarly late hours of the night that had entrapped the person awakened by accident from his dream.

“Just like now. Sometimes, when sleeping at night, I’d wake up suddenly. One second, two seconds, I’m still not fully awake and I don’t know anything. But by the third second, before my eyes open fully, I’d again think of… a certain thing. Even just now, when I woke up, I was thinking the same thing.”

He sensed that he was perhaps going to hear the answer he wanted but all of a sudden, Yi Zhe no longer wanted to hear it—because the Xu Tangcheng who was saying those words was too lonely, just like a little boy at preschool who suddenly couldn’t find a friend to play with him.

Yi Zhe couldn’t help lowering his head and nuzzling the side of Xu Tangcheng’s face. He asked, “What did you think of?”

“I was thinking…”

Xu Tangcheng stared into the darkness in front of him. After a while, he finally said slowly, “I was thinking… Yi Zhe is in a place so very far away.”

— END OF MAIN STORY —

Qixi Extra

T/N: Qixi falls on the seventh day of the seventh month in the traditional calendar. In the myth of the cowherd and the weaver girl, the lovers are separated and can only meet once a year on this date. This extra was first posted on Qixi in 2018.

Yi Zhe lingered in Hainan, not leaving. Half a month later, he was finally dragged back to Beijing by force, the reason being his academic advisor required him to make a report. He initially thought that he only needed to make his report to the few teachers whose work were related to the subject but unexpectedly, his teacher told him that they were holding lectures aimed at higher-level educational institutions and the aerospace industry. Yi Zhe’s immediate reaction was to refuse but after thinking about it, he very quickly agreed.

In the evening, he told Xu Tangcheng about the matter. On the other end of the call, Xu Tangcheng was rather surprised. “You don’t like doing this kind of thing, do you?”

Yi Zhe speaking with ease and composure in front of hundreds of people was a scene Xu Tangcheng could not imagine at all.

“Yeah…” Yi Zhe muttered, then said, “It’s not a bad thing. I can give it a try even though I don’t like it.”

Xu Tangcheng suddenly felt those complicated emotions of watching a child grow up. He had actually never put any expectations on Yi Zhe to become mature and steady. He had always felt that the way this person was in the past and in the present was just right. Even if he wasn’t good at expressing himself, even if he didn’t like crowds of people, it was fine. There was no need for him to purposely change himself to adapt to something. After all, no one can be a superhuman and on top of that, he loved this person, so he felt that even his weaknesses were adorable.

Xu Tangcheng had to remain in Hainan to finish up his current work. But after finding out that the lecture was on Monday, he immediately booked a flight back to Beijing for the preceding weekend.

He didn’t tell Yi Zhe; it was to be a surprise. After disembarking, he furtively went to campus on his own and arrived at the door to Yi Zhe’s lab.

Yi Zhe chose his seat himself. It was in a corner near the window. Standing at the door, his eyes searching for him, Xu Tangcheng suddenly realised that they had clearly been together for so long in the past but he actually had no impression at all of how Yi Zhe looked in the lab—because in the past, every time it was time to leave, it was Yi Zhe who went to Xu Tangcheng’s lab and waited for him there.

With that thought in his mind, Xu Tangcheng stopped there, wanting to watch him carefully for a while more.

Yi Zhe shared the same habit as him: earphones in both ears. Who knew if the music that was playing was the “more rowdy” type of music he had mentioned in the past.

The person outside the room was letting his thoughts run wild. Meanwhile, for some reason, the person inside the room suddenly looked up. Xu Tangcheng quickly retreated behind the wall. After about a minute, he peeked his head out for a look.

How should he make his appearance to achieve his goal of surprising him? Xu Tangcheng didn’t have any ideas. Yi Zhe was facing the door, the plan to sneak behind him was not practical. This was also a lab with many people, he couldn’t possibly make any sort of ruckus. So, when he had looked his fill, Xu Tangcheng took out his phone.

Yi Zhe.

A few seconds after he sent the message, Yi Zhe was already replying.

Hmm?

Xu Tangcheng revealed half his body, looking at the person who was holding his phone with his head down.

Look up.

If Xu Tangcheng were to be asked which moment in the world was the most worth it to him, then it would be that very brief period when the expression on Yi Zhe’s face turned from calm to delighted. His eyes lit up at once; his mouth didn’t immediately break into a smile and instead, opened and closed randomly a couple of times before stretching out both sides to reveal his emotions at the moment.

Yi Zhe strode towards him. The earphones he pulled down were still tangled together, held in a careless grip.

“Why did you come back? Why didn’t you tell me?”

There were people passing by in the corridor. Yi Zhe’s voice gradually lowered as he spoke, but the urgency due to his joy could not be hidden.

“I came back to attend Dr. Yi’s lecture.” Xu Tangcheng took his earphones from him, untangled the cord, and slowly wound it around his fingers, loop by loop. “Are you busy? I’m thinking that either this evening or tomorrow, I’ll take you out to pick a set of formal clothes.”

“Formal clothes?”

“Yeah.” Xu Tangcheng smiled and passed the coiled earphones to him. “Aren’t you going to give a lecture?”

Even though he had never seen Yi Zhe in a suit, just the thought of it filled Xu Tangcheng with anticipation. Yi Zhe’s physical frame was larger than his and Xu Tangcheng thought that just like that watch, when Yi Zhe put on a suit, he would definitely look more handsome than Xu Tangcheng himself.

Reality proved that his guess was not wrong. When Yi Zhe changed his clothes and came out of the fitting room, Xu Tangcheng’s hand that had been browsing through the clothes immediately stopped where it was.

“How is it?” Putting on this kind of proper outfit for the first time, Yi Zhe felt uncomfortable all over. He saw that Xu Tangcheng was standing there and staring blankly so he quickly asked, “Looks bad?”

“No. It…” Xu Tangcheng quickly shook his head. The compliment that followed was delayed a couple of seconds because he could not find the right words. “It looks a little too good.”

The result of that “it looks a little too good” was that Xu Tangcheng, in a fit of extreme irrationality, bought Yi Zhe an even more exquisite outfit at a price that was double his budget. When paying, Yi Zhe was still frowning and muttering in a low voice that it was too expensive.

“You’ll need to wear it frequently in the future. You’ll be looking for jobs soon, right? You’ll need to wear it for interviews. A lot of your friends should be married, right? You can wear it for weddings in the future.” After saying that, Xu Tangcheng came to an abrupt stop. He quietly considered that if Yi Zhe stole the groom’s limelight, it probably wouldn’t be good.

As he thought that, he laughed aloud.

“What are you laughing at?”

“I was just thinking…”

Perhaps due to a certain keyword, when he met Yi Zhe’s eyes, a thought suddenly popped up in Xu Tangcheng’s mind.

“Please sign here.” A gentle female voice interrupted Xu Tangcheng’s hesitation. He made a noise in response. When he lowered his head to sign, he still could not forget the thought he had just now.

Xu Tangcheng had not returned to their rented apartment for two years. Two years ago, before he left, when he looked for the landlord and said that he wanted to extend the tenancy for three years, the auntie had replied in amusement, “I’m not going to stop letting you two stay there. Why are you in such a hurry?”

How could he not be in a hurry?”

Even after such a long time, Xu Tangcheng still remembered how much he had fretted before he left. He really hadn’t known what he should do to make the two years easier for Yi Zhe to go through. Leaving a video message, extending the apartment rental, swapping bank cards—each and every one of these things that he had thought of seemed as effective as throwing a cup of water to put out a burning cart of firewood.

Fortunately…

The apartment door opened. Everything inside was unchanged from before.

Yi Zhe took out Xu Tangcheng’s slippers from the shoe cabinet and put them on the floor. Xu Tangcheng stepped on the slippers, then lowered his head to look. “The slippers are a little old now. Let’s buy new ones another day.”

“Okay.”

Spending hours in an airplane, then going to shop and eat without a break—he hadn’t felt anything when he had something to do but after showering and relaxing, Xu Tangcheng felt his entire body aching, completely out of energy. He towelled his hair carelessly, then lay down with half his head hanging over the edge of the bed. His mind fuzzy, the wet towel still in his hands, he closed his eyes.

Some time passed, and he felt something dry and soft covering his head. Xu Tangcheng opened his eyes and saw Yi Zhe sitting next to him.

“Fell asleep just like that?” Yi Zhe took the towel from Xu Tangcheng’s hands. As he thought, there was a large damp spot on the pajamas Xu Tangcheng had just changed into.

“Tired and sleepy.”

Hearing that, Yi Zhe got up and looked for the hairdryer in the bedside cabinet. “Even so, you need to dry your hair. I’ll help you.”

His eyes half-lidded, Xu Tangcheng let out a laugh. Then, he rolled a couple of times towards the top of the bed, crossed his legs and sat up.

There was something hard next to the pillow. Xu Tangcheng felt it and picked it up. He saw that it was their camera.

“Why did you leave the camera here?”

“Sometimes I want to look at it before sleeping,” Yi Zhe said softly. He stood at the side, holding the hairdryer.

Xu Tangcheng turned the camera on and put his video message on the screen.

“Have you watched this?”

Originally, there were a lot of words that would only be sincere if said face-to-face. But at that time, Xu Tangcheng’s heart was no calmer than Yi Zhe’s. If he faced Yi Zhe, he didn’t think he could control his emotions and say all that he wanted to say clearly. That was why he wrote a script in advance, and also recorded a video.

“I did. But I watched it too late. We came back from the South Pole and had a gathering. After I heard someone sing Love of My Life, I went through the camera and only then saw the video you left for me.” Yi Zhe paused. “If I had watched it earlier, I would have flown over to look for you without delaying even a single day.”

After saying that, he pressed the hairdryer switch. Amidst the lively noise, Yi Zhe continued to think. If he had flown to Hainan immediately after coming back from the South Pole, would he still be unaware now that the song Xu Tangcheng had hummed for him was not a birthday song from Ecuador or wherever?

“Tangcheng-ge…” After slowly blow-drying Xu Tangcheng’s hair, Yi Zhe suddenly called him in that way, like a docile child. Xu Tangcheng was still lost in Yi Zhe’s words just now; when he heard Yi Zhe calling him like that, he lifted his head rather sluggishly to look at him.

A pair of luminous eyes stared right at him. The owner of those eyes lifted the corners of his mouth a little, and asked, “Did you lie to me about anything else?”

Xu Tangcheng stared blankly, then denied at once. “No.”

Yi Zhe didn’t continue speaking. Instead, he put down the hairdryer and took the camera from Xu Tangcheng’s hands. He pressed the buttons a few times, then placed the camera in front of Xu Tangcheng’s eyes and said, “You did.”

Xu Tangcheng watched the scene playing out on the camera with his head full of doubts. He saw that it was from the time he was at Yi Zhe’s home to celebrate his birthday with him, and he was cooking.

“Remember now?”

Remember what?

Xu Tangcheng blinked and shook his head.

Yi Zhe thought carefully for a bit, then turned off the camera. “Never mind.”

Xu Tangcheng didn’t know when Yi Zhe learned this trick of keeping others in suspense. Even after Yi Zhe tidied everything up and went to turn off the light, Xu Tangcheng was still sitting on bed hounding him to hurry up and tell him. Yi Zhe pressed his lips together but still couldn’t stifle his smile. After turning off the light, he hugged Xu Tangcheng right away and lay down, then said, “Hurry up and sleep.”

“I realise that after two years of not seeing you, you’ve really grown up, haven’t you?” Xu Tangcheng turned his head away, avoiding his kiss. One hand pinched Yi Zhe’s face. He threatened, “Tell me. We’ll kiss after you tell me.”

Yi Zhe let out a couple of low chuckles and yielded. “The noodles. Do you remember?”

In the past, to Yi Zhe, the fridge in his home in City C was just a place for storing frozen dumplings. But before going to the South Pole, he found a pack of noodles that had been in there for who knew how long.

He had once been young and didn’t know how much noodles he should buy for two people, or how scary it would be if they cooked the entire pack of noodles. And it was also because he was young that he had not been the least bit uncertain when proclaiming those grand and bold words.

He had once faced the camera and made a vow, saying that he would finish all the noodles that Xu Tangcheng cooked. Meanwhile, at that time, Xu Tangcheng had faced the camera and smiled. He had not refuted him, he had not doubted him; he had only furtively hid half the pack, indulging his childish vow.

That was the kind of person Xu Tangcheng was. He did everything in silence, including loving him. Were it not for a fated coincidence, so much of his love would be forever hidden in their ordinary and unremarkable interactions. Even now, Yi Zhe knew that there must still be so much—too much—in the past that he didn’t know.

Zheng Yikun had once asked Yi Zhe why he liked Xu Tangcheng. Yi Zhe had never thought of that question and hadn’t wanted to answer at all. Back then when he held that half pack of noodles, crouching down in front of the fridge and taking on the blast of cold air, all he had thought was how fortunate was he to be the one who stayed opposite Xu Tangcheng, and how fortunate was he to be the one who could fall in love with Xu Tangcheng.

He had fallen in love with Xu Tangcheng. Meanwhile, other people could only have a superficial fate with Xu Tangcheng. Just thinking of that, Yi Zhe felt that his life was too good.

Both of them were lying in bed, their emotions whirling in circles. But Xu Tangcheng’s thoughts were different from Yi Zhe’s; the thing with the noodles was nothing special to him but there was something else that he couldn’t help probing into.

“Yi Zhe.”

“Hmm?”

Xu Tangcheng lay on his side, one hand resting on Yi Zhe’s arm. “You only saw that video after coming back from the South Pole? The one that I left for you.”

“Yeah.”

The down quilt was light, hardly any weight at all. Lying under it, the warmth was not as substantial as compared to having a padded cotton comforter. Xu Tangcheng couldn’t help shuffling closer to Yi Zhe. Feeling him move, Yi Zhe immediately turned around and put an arm around his waist.

“Cold?”

Xu Tangcheng shook his head. His ear rubbed against the pillow, and his voice sounded a little sticky.

“No. I’m just thinking, if you only saw that video after you came back…” In the darkness, Xu Tangcheng couldn’t see Yi Zhe’s eyes clearly so he brought his hand up to touch. Yi Zhe’s lashes quivered; then, his eyes closed under Xu Tangcheng’s fingers.

“Then, how did you get through the past two years?”

Without hearing him say “I love you,” without hearing him say “Wait for me to come back,” how did he get through the time?

Xu Tangcheng thought he had left Yi Zhe with a sense of security but it turned out that Yi Zhe had still pushed through the past two years on his own.

There was a kind of intertwined harmony tonight. Just like how Xu Tangcheng was not bothered about that half pack of noodles, Yi Zhe was also not bothered about this question.

“I got through it by thinking of you.” He kissed Xu Tangcheng and said, “And, no matter how I got through it, it’s already over, isn’t it?”

When he was on the verge of giving in to his sleepiness, a hand patted his waist lightly. The voice Xu Tangcheng heard was right beside his ear.

“Sleep.”

“Yi Zhe.” Very stubbornly, Xu Tangcheng forced his eyes open once more. “Do you want a wedding?”

Yi Zhe looked too good wearing that suit, so good that he could wear it to give a lecture, to go for an interview, to attend someone else’s wedding…

Then… actually, he could also wear it to his own wedding.

“Wedding?”

“Yeah.” Xu Tangcheng was too sleepy and finally closed his eyes. He sketched out the idea he had been brewing the whole night. “You’ll be preparing to graduate soon. By then, the project at Sanya will be almost done. I will change to a new job after coming back to Beijing so I can resign first and give myself a vacation. The two of us can go for a trip. We’ll find a place that’s very beautiful and hold a wedding… It would be best if it’s by the sea… You don’t like crowds, I don’t like them too. We don’t have to invite guests but the place must be decorated nicely, the wedding officiant must be an official one…”

The scene that appeared before Yi Zhe’s eyes was too beautiful, so much so that he stared into the darkness in a stupor, forgetting to reply.

“You’ll probably like that, I think.”

Xu Tangcheng wasn’t fixated on having a wedding. Whether it was a Chinese or a western wedding, in his eyes, it was just a ritual that hoped for an eternal binding of hearts. But the true eternal binding of hearts actually had nothing to do with this ritual.

But he thought that someone who could think longingly of seeing the sea of lights at Blue Harbour with him would probably like this ritual.

They would solemnly say their vows. Then, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, the view of the other person’s back at the moment of separation would be a sight they would never see again.

An Extra Out of the Blue: A Record of Xu Tangcheng Being Jealous

T/N: The main story and the Qixi extra were completed in 2018. This new extra was posted in April 2022.

For some unknown reason, Yi Zhe was recently obsessed with a bottle of shower gel. Coaxing and cajoling, he wanted Xu Tangcheng to use it.

The shower gel was brought home by Yi Zhe from a work trip. The price was on the high side of a three-digit number, making Xu Tangcheng frown right away at the sight. But the scent was indeed nice. Every time Xu Tangcheng came out from the shower, he attracted someone who pushed him down without letting go, like the apocryphal story of Concubine Xiang attracting butterflies.

Thinking of a project report due tomorrow, Xu Tangcheng panted for breath and pushed away the head still buried in the crook of his neck. “Alright, why does it seem like… you don’t get enough to eat every day.”

Draped over Xu Tangcheng, Yi Zhe didn’t move. He grumbled softly, “I didn’t even get to eat…”

“Hmm?” A light sound came out of Xu Tangcheng’s throat. “Why, am I mistreating you?”

Hearing that, Yi Zhe immediately let out a laugh and planted a fierce kiss on Xu Tangcheng’s jaw. “Well, no. Let me hug you for another minute.”

“You can’t buy that shower gel anymore.”

“Why not? It smells so good. It suits you.”

Xu Tangcheng answered with a single succinct word. “Expensive.”

“It’s fine, we can afford it.”

“Oh?” Xu Tangcheng flipped over, got off the bed and put on his pyjamas. He couldn’t hold back his laughter. “After getting a promotion and a raise, you’re truly not the same anymore.”

Once he spoke of that, Yi Zhe felt irritated. He frowned and sighed. “Don’t talk about it. I don’t want a promotion, I only want a raise. See, in the past, whenever there was some kind of gathering, I could refuse to go. Now I have to attend the team gatherings. A fine weekend, gone just like that.”

“Aiya, how can you say that? Management skills are also part of one’s abilities. Furthermore, building good rapport with your team is also beneficial to your work.”

Of course Yi Zhe knew all these arguments, but so what? He didn’t want to have a weekend without Xu Tangcheng.

Yi Zhe thought about it, then made a frank and direct suggestion. “Why don’t you come with me to this one? We’re going to a villa this time.”

“Nah, I’ll stand out too much.”

“Why would you stand out? This time, those with their own families are bringing their families, and some are also bringing their friends.” Yi Zhe sat up and pulled the person who had just gotten out of bed back into bed. Arms around Xu Tangcheng, he said, “Go. We need to stay overnight too. I can’t sleep if I’m alone.”

The hand holding his waist was starting to misbehave again. Xu Tangcheng quickly plucked away that hand and said, “Okay, okay, okay. I’ll go.”

In any case, he also didn’t want to spend the weekend alone.

They drove over themselves and when they reached, quite a number of people were already gathered at the villa. Yi Zhe briefly introduced Xu Tangcheng to them, then dragged him to the side to sit.

“Your company has quite a lot of new hires.” Xu Tangcheng had met Yi Zhe’s colleagues before but there were quite a number of unfamiliar faces today, each kid looking younger than the last.

“Mhm, we hired quite a lot of people in the past two years. Can’t get the work done otherwise.”

The two of them were chatting when a sudden round of cheering erupted at the entrance. Xu Tangcheng looked in the direction of the noise and saw that a guy had just come in.

“Lin Xiao, you’re looking damned fine. No wonder you’re so late, you went to get your hair done?”

The guy called Lin Xiao smiled without saying anything. On the other hand, a girl at the side tsk-ed and called out to the guy who had spoken. “You guys are sloppy with your looks so you don’t allow others to look fine? If you ask me, you guys should all clean up yourselves a bit.”

The guy was indeed styled finely and was also quite good-looking. As Xu Tangcheng thought that, he couldn’t help taking a couple more looks. He was just turning his head when, without warning, his eyes met Lin Xiao’s gaze.

Xu Tangcheng gave a nod in his direction.

Everyone had arrived so naturally, they wanted to play something. A group wanted to play board games. As much as Xu Tangcheng and Yi Zhe were uninterested in that, they were still dragged to the living room by a few of the younger ones.

Only the sofa still had space so the two of them sat together.

“Yi Zhe-ge.” Lin Xiao, who was sitting on a chair, smiled and got up. “Why don’t we switch? You guys seemed a bit cramped there. I’m thinner, it’s better for me to be on the sofa.”

“Hmm?” Yi Zhe didn’t immediately get him but he very quickly waved him off. “No need.”

After saying that, like he was afraid he was crowding the person next to him, he scooted closer towards Xu Tangcheng. Xu Tangcheng was terribly squeezed in and he gave Yi Zhe’s thigh a soft push with his hand.

Because the number of people was on the high side, the board game selected was also suitable for many players. For a lot of them, including Xu Tangcheng and Yi Zhe, it was their first time playing it. Lin Xiao was more familiar with the rules so he voluntarily undertook the task of explaining the rules and distributing the cards.

After the first round began, Xu Tangcheng looked at the cards in his hand and suddenly realised that there was one that Lin Xiao seemed to not have explained. He signalled to Lin Xiao and when the other guy came over, he asked, “This card–”

A familiar scent slipped into his nasal cavity. Xu Tangcheng blanked out momentarily, his words unfinished.

“Ah, that’s right, I forgot to explain this card.” When he saw the card, Lin Xiao understood why Xu Tangcheng had called him. “But the game has started now. I’ll just explain it to you alone now. When you play it later, I’ll explain to the rest.”

After saying that, Lin Xiao drew near Xu Tangcheng’s ear and explained in detail the meaning of the card.

During the second half of the game, it was obvious to Yi Zhe that Xu Tangcheng’s attention was elsewhere. One round ended; Xu Tangcheng beckoned a guy who was watching at the side and had him take his seat to play.

“Where’re you going?” Seeing him stand up, Yi Zhe turned his face up and asked.

“Going out for a smoke.”

Xu Tangcheng felt around in his pockets, found them empty and only then recalled that he had changed his outfit at the last minute before leaving the house today. He bent down and slipped one hand into Yi Zhe’s pants pocket. “Give me the cigarettes.”

Yi Zhe naturally leaned to the side so that it would be easier for Xu Tangcheng to take the cigarettes out.

Xu Tangcheng inadvertently caught sight of a pair of eyes fixed intently on him. He let out a laugh in his heart, then bumped Yi Zhe’s knee with the back of his hand. “Come with me for a while.”

A light, pleasant wind was blowing outside. Xu Tangcheng cupped his hand around the cigarette and lit it, then shot Yi Zhe a look.

This posture… Puzzled, Yi Zhe hurried over to ask. “What is it?”

Xu Tangcheng didn’t answer him. He breathed out two smoke rings unhurriedly before looking at Yi Zhe with a smile that was not quite a smile and saying, “You’re really charming, huh.”

Yi Zhe was completely lost.

“What charm?”

He was already at this age, it would be embarrassing to quibble with a kid. Xu Tangcheng thought for a while, then asked, “How did you know about that brand of shower gel?”

“At the duty-free shop, all of them were buying stuff. They said the shower gel smells good and told me to try smelling it. It was really pretty good so I thought of buying a bottle for you.”

“Oh, who was the one who told you to smell it?”

When asked, Yi Zhe truly couldn’t remember it clearly. He spent a few seconds recalling before saying, “Lin Xiao, probably.”

After saying that, Yi Zhe kept studying Xu Tangcheng’s expression. But this man hid himself too well; right now, Yi Zhe couldn’t tell at all what he was thinking.

Xu Tangcheng nodded slightly and jutted his chin in the direction of the villa interior. “Go on, they’re waiting for you. I’ll go in after I finish this stick.”

“Oh.” Yi Zhe’s heart was still a little uncertain. He took a couple of steps, then said worriedly, “Come look for me when you’re done smoking.”

Xu Tangcheng waved him off. “D’you think I can lose my way here?”

After Yi Zhe had gone in, Xu Tangcheng looked in through the window and noticed that Lin Xiao had moved to Yi Zhe’s side at some point.

Xu Tangcheng turned his head back around and looked into the distance. He sighed in his heart. How good it is to be in the spring of life.

He finished smoking the cigarette and went inside. Yi Zhe saw him coming and scooted to the side, forcibly making space for him.

“No need.” Xu Tangcheng stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not playing anyway.”

“You can sit and watch.”

In unison, the group immediately let out a long and enigmatic ohhhhh.

Xu Tangcheng raised his brows. He didn’t bother with propriety anymore.

He sat and glanced at Yi Zhe’s other side, then elbowed him. “Scoot over.”

Yi Zhe asked curiously, “Why?”

“It’s warm. You’re too close to me.”

It’s warm?

Despite the misgivings in his heart, Yi Zhe didn’t dare object. He silently shifted a little to the other side.

He had just steadied himself when Xu Tangcheng touched his leg. “Scoot over further.”

“Huh?” Yi Zhe looked at Lin Xiao beside him. If he moved again, they would be too close.

Xu Tangcheng reached up to undo the button on his shirt. “It’s warm.”

Seeing that a section of Xu Tangcheng’s collarbone was about to be exposed, Yi Zhe quickly said, “Okay, okay, okay.”

He shifted a little again. At the same time, his eyes swept over Xu Tangcheng’s neck.

The corners of Xu Tangcheng’s lips curled up slightly. “Keep your eyes on the cards in your hand.”

Yi Zhe turned his head to look at the cards but a sudden fragrant whiff distracted him. He subconsciously turned to look at Xu Tangcheng but Xu Tangcheng was leaning back leisurely.

No, that’s not right.

Yi Zhe sensed something amiss. At this distance, he shouldn’t be able to smell the scent on Xu Tangcheng’s body.

That fragrance…

Yi Zhe sniffed again. When he realised where the fragrance was coming from, he immediately scooted back to Xu Tangcheng’s side like his butt was scalded.

Xu Tangcheng held back his laughter and gave him a push. “What are you doing?”

Yi Zhe looked at him and swallowed.

He finally understood now.

This wasn’t a laughing matter. Yi Zhe alternated between feeling wrongly accused and feeling a chill run down his spine. In the end, he kept rubbing Xu Tangcheng’s thigh with his hand, wanting to speak but hesitating.

Smack. Xu Tangcheng smacked the back of his hand, eyes signalling Yi Zhe to behave himself.

After digesting it for a long while, this matter was finally sorted out from start to end.

“Couples’ shower gel?” His teeth clenched, Xu Tangcheng whispered in Yi Zhe’s ear.

Knowing that Xu Tangcheng was being jealous, after spacing out for a while, Yi Zhe broke out in laughter.

Xu Tangcheng’s hand gripped the back of Yi Zhe’s neck, rubbing it a couple of times like he was giving him a massage. “You seem pretty happy.”

Yi Zhe hunched his neck. Then, his hand came up to pull Xu Tangcheng’s hand down and he put his arm over Xu Tangcheng’s shoulders. He asked softly, “Jealous?”

Xu Tangcheng didn’t say anything. He lowered his head, pretending to be playing with his phone.

Yi Zhe threw a card onto the table, then fished out his phone from his pocket and sent a message.

It’s because of the shower gel, right?

Xu Tangcheng couldn’t be bothered with him. He replied with a “Be quiet” emoji.

You care about me?

Looking at those few words, Xu Tangcheng’s brows furrowed. He decided to stop replying to this person.

Nonsense, did he even have to ask that?

But Yi Zhe obviously didn’t care whether or not Xu Tangcheng replied. The messages popped up one after another, each one more straightforward than the last.

Your attention is on me?

You don’t like other people going after me?

You like me?

You love me?

Xu Tangcheng turned his head and saw that the person next to him was looking at his phone screen and smiling like a fool.

He also ducked his head and smiled. He typed a few words.

Mhm, I love you.

— END OF EXTRAS —

AD Theme Song

This is a translation of the audiodrama theme song which you can listen to here.

Original lyrics and pinyin above, English translation (singable!) below.

***

不再凝望

我从未想过

世界没有了你会怎样

是黑夜丢了星光

或是白天少了太阳

wǒ cóng wèi xiǎngguò

shìjiè méiyǒu le nǐ huì zěnyàng

shì hēiyè diū le xīngguāng

huòshì báitiān shǎo le tàiyáng

或许某一天

我会在另一个地方

风会悄悄告诉我

你现在的模样

huòxǔ mǒu yī tiān

wǒ huì zài lìng yī gè dìfāng

fēng huì qiāoqiāo gàosù wǒ

nǐ xiànzài de múyàng

清晰的脸庞 熟悉的衣角

温暖的拥抱

我曾经追逐过那束光

被隐藏

qīngxī de liǎnpáng shúxī de yī jiǎo

wēnnuǎn de yǒngbào

wǒ céngjīng zhuīzhú guò nà shù guāng

bèi yǐncáng

等不到 你淡淡的笑

月色中摇晃

就像梦一场

清醒时回望

děng bù dào nǐ dàndàn de xiào

yuèsè zhōng yáohuàng

jiù xiàng mèng yī chǎng

qīngxǐng shí huí wàng

等时光 绕过我肩膀

雕刻我成长

等你回头望

děng shíguāng rào guò wǒ jiānbǎng

diāokè wǒ chéngzhǎng

děng nǐ huítóu wàng

(repeat from top)

或许你 也在等我追上

等我 变得更加坚强

我固执地想要够到太阳

用力地 向前跑

向着光

huòxǔ nǐ yě zài děng wǒ zhuīshàng

děng wǒ biàn dé gèngjiā jiānqiáng

wǒ gùzhí de xiǎng yào gòu dào tàiyáng

yòng lì dì xiàng qián pǎo

xiàng zhe guāng

下一秒 心跳冲破胸膛

想 去往你的地方

某一天我可以不再凝望

靠近你 拥抱你

到天亮

xià yī miǎo xīntiào chōngpò xiōngtáng

xiǎng qù wǎng nǐ dì dìfāng

mǒu yī tiān wǒ kěyǐ bù zài níngwàng

kàojìn nǐ yǒngbào nǐ

dào tiānliàng

***

No Longer Gazing from Far

Never have I thought

What the world without you would be like

Would the dark night lose its stars

Or would the daytime lack the sun

There may be a day

When I’ll be in a different place

The wind will whisper to me

How you are doing now

The look of your face, the clothes I know well[1]

The warmth of your hug

The ray of light I have once pursued

Is hidden

I couldn’t wait, for your faint, soft smile

In moonlight it sways

Just like in a dream

I wake and look back

I wait for time, wind past my shoulders

Carve me as I grow

For when you look back

(repeat from top)

Or maybe you, are waiting for me to reach you

For me, to be even stronger

And stubbornly, I try to reach the sun

I give my all, I run ahead

Towards the light

The next beat, my heartbeat breaches my chest

I want, to go to where you are

And one day I won’t have to gaze from far

Close to you, holding you

‘Til the dawn

***

[1] Loose TL: The look of your face, the clothes I know well

Closer TL: The vivid look of your face, the familiar corner of your shirt

The tricky thing here is in the second part. 衣角 means a corner on the lower hem of an item of clothing (I think specifically clothes worn on the upper body). The imagery here is of a person tugging at another person’s 衣角 to quietly get their attention, and having done so often enough that it is “familiar.”