Antidote - - - Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Cheng Ke remembered not too long ago, when Jiang Yuduo told him solemnly, “Friends over here are very important.”

Cheng Ke had always believed Jiang Yuduo did not consider him a friend, despite the reverse being true – after all, his standard for becoming friends was rather lenient. Within a few meals, he would introduce his other party as a friend. As for Yuduo, Cheng Ke never considered this person’s friend status in his mind too deeply.

And now when hearing him suddenly announcing that they were friends, besides a fluffy feeling in his heart, Cheng Ke also felt confused.

It hadn’t even been that long, and Jiang Yuduo’s definition of a friend was as flippant as he was.

“Weren’t you saying that… Being your friend takes serious consideration…” Cheng Ke looked at him.

“Just because you came back today.” Jiang Yuduo said.

“That so?” Cheng Ke gave a start, “I was mostly afraid things would get out of hand. I thought Chen Qing could last a while, but he keeled over in a second.”

Jiang Yuduo smiled, “He can’t fight, his mom pampered him from birth.”

“I wasn’t…” Cheng Ke did stop worrying, but he was never an unfeeling person in the first place. Besides, watching someone you know be outnumbered three to one and the fact that his opponent called him out… Yuduo was willing to forsake his reputation by having him call the police to ensure his safety. Cheng Ke couldn’t run away in good conscience. “Cheng Qing and your merry band of bros wouldn’t abandon you either.”

“That’s different,” Yuduo said, “Not counting Cheng Qing, those bros of mine know that if they abandoned me this time, Third Bro won’t be looking out for them next time.”

Cheng Ke could almost understand what he meant. Jiang Yuduo would have his bros’ backs, and they would have his. But Jiang Yuduo was different compared to those other gang leaders like Ba Pie, even if it was only an exchange of mutual benefit. The Yuduo who could see his mate’s freezing scalp while even as he hastily hailed a taxi in the bitter cold had to be different.

Cheng Ke felt that this may be the reason why he got anxious whenever Jiang Yuduo got into trouble.

“No one has ever treated me like that before either.” Jiang Yuduo inhaled a puff of cigarette smoke.

“Treated you how?” Cheng Ke smiled. “Came back for you despite not being your bro?”

“No one has ever held me back when I was fighting someone,” Jiang Yuduo interrupted him.

Cheng Ke looked at him for ages, before responding, “Oh.”

“That’s different from running back to help me,” Cheng Yuduo said, “That’s the first time someone was worried my punches were too hard. That’s never happened before. They always told me to go all out.”

Again with the “they”.

Cheng Ke could tell Jiang Yuduo didn’t mean Chen Qing and those mates of his with this mention of “they”, these people only wanted him to win.

But he didn’t pursue who “they” were, given Jiang Yuduo and his silence, with his upbringing, he couldn’t bear to push further.

Perhaps someday Jiang Yuduo would be willing to broach the matter himself.

“What was that noise?” Jiang Yuduo stopped.

“Alarm clock,” Cheng Ke returned to the living room to switch it off, “Reminding me it’s almost time for dinner.”

Jiang Yuduo followed and stared at him, “Do you need to have your brain checked?”

“I sleep here sometimes,” Cheng Ke explained.

“That’s the first time I’ve heard someone setting an alarm for dinner,” Jiang Yuduo said, “Do you even know that you can set an alarm on your phone?”

“I like alarm clocks,” Cheng Ke set the alarm to ring a minute later and placed it on the table, looking back at Jiang Yuduo, “Just like that.”

“Just like what?” Jiang Yuduo looked at him with confusion.

“Waiting.” Cheng Ke replied.

“Waiting for what?” Jiang Yuduo asked.

Cheng Ke kept quiet, looking at him.

Jiang Yuduo furrowed his eyebrows and stared back.

A minute later, the alarm rang with a shrill ring.

“Fuck!” Jiang Yuduo leapt to the side and hollered, “Why the fuck is it ringing again?”

Cheng Ke stretched a hand to slap the button on the alarm clock and silenced it.

“Just like that,” he said, “I like slapping the button down with a thwack to make it stop.”

“Aren’t you a busy bee everyday,” Jiang Yuduo said, “To the point of passing your time like this.”

“Don’t you have these sort of small gestures to kill time?”

“No.” Jiang Yuduo shook his head. “Big, medium, small, I don’t have any. I have no time to waste.”

“Are you always that busy every day?” Cheng Ke said with a tut, “At your construction site counting rubbish bins?”

“No,” Jiang Yuduo said, “I haven’t counted them, but I know that at that bar lined street, there are two every hundred metres, some with waste sorting, some without, and those streets with less people have one every hundred and fifty metres.”

Cheng Ke looked at him, dumbfounded.

“You can’t kill time.”

“Pardon?” Cheng Ke was looking at the needle hand of his alarm.

“Time passes slowly, always that slowly, and the more you try to kill it the slower it goes,” Jiang Yuduo said, “It’s when you forget about it that it feels better.”

Cheng Ke gave a smile.

He couldn’t quite understand Jiang Yuduo’s thoughts on this. To him, it’s only when it feels terrible, like when he’s ill, or unwell, or depressed, that he feels that time passes too slow.

He suddenly recalled Jiang Yuduo’s reply about not being the main character of his own life.

“I’m not.”

What sort of life would make someone feel that time always passed slowly?

The two of them stood in the living room in silence for a moment. As Jiang Yuduo walked next to the window to look outside, Cheng Ke realised that Jiang Yuduo never pulled apart the curtains to look out the window.

He stared at Jiang Yuduo’s side profile, and looked at the time after another moment’s pause.

It’s time for dinner, and to Cheng Ke, this moment could not be more awkward seeing that Jiang Ke was standing there without any intention of leaving.

If he were alone, he would have ordered take-away if he was hungry, if he wasn’t too hungry he would have just gone for instant noodles or two eggs.

Now, if he were to have Jiang Yuduo over for dinner, he didn’t have anything worth serving, and he was reluctant to head out to eat, seeing that never in his life had he treated someone two days in a row.

Nor could he bring himself to send Jiang Yuduo off just like that.

“Are you… hungry?” After struggling with himself for a period of time, Cheng Ke asked.

“Yeah.” Jiang Yuduo replied crisply, not reading between the lines. After uttering this one word, he didn’t say more.

“What… would you like to eat?” Cheng Ke brought himself to continue.

“You can’t even light a stove,” Jiang Yuduo turned to look at him, “And you have the nerve to ask this kind of question?”

“I so fucking can!” Cheng Ke huffed.

“Sichuan style food.” Jiang Yuduo said.

“…What?” Cheng Ke stared blankly.

“You asked me what I wanted to eat,” The corner of Jiang Yuduo’s mouth twitched upwards, leering tauntingly, “I told you I wanted to eat Sichuan style food, so?”

“Go eat it yourself.” Cheng Ke said.

“You’re not hungry?” Jiang Yuduo asked.

“I’ll cook myself instant noodles,” Cheng Ke said, smirking as well, “are you gonna eat that too?”

“Sure,” Jiang Yuduo replied.

Cheng Ke said nothing as his jaw fell open and hung there.

“You don’t know actually how to cook instant noodles, do you?” Jiang Yuduo asked.

“Sure,” Cheng Ke turned and walked towards the kitchen, “Just you wait, you’re the one who asked for it, no take backs.”

“Right.”

Instant noodles were actually rather easy to cook. Cheng Ke took the kettle, filled it with water and heated it on the stove. Sometimes, he took things one step further and cooked an egg along with it.

Compared to how he was at home, his current improvement made him want to pat himself on the back.

But he had no intention of doing that today, and settled for cooking two instant noodles.

Taking two cups from the cabinet, he asked “Fragrant Spicy, Sour Spicy or the Triple Ingredient?”

“Fragrant spicy,” Jiang Yuduo walked to the kitchen door and leaned against the frame, “you have so much variety?”

“Gotta mix things up sometimes,” Cheng Ke took two Fragrant Spicy flavoured cups and set them on the table.

“Isn’t it all just instant noodles?”

“Can’t you just watch quietly? Or perhaps go read something?” Cheng Ke frowned while removing the plastic wrap.

“I’ll watch quietly, then.”

Cheng Ke ignored him and tore open the lid, taking the spice packet out, and pouring the contents one by one. When both cups were ready, he approached the stove and waited for the water to boil.

As the kettle began to heat up, his phone rang in the living room.

Cheng Ke was taken by surprise. Ever since he left home, he almost never received any calls. Other than Liu Tiancheng, his previous “friends” occasionally sent texts, while the rest of his contacts treated him as if they never met and didn’t keep in touch. Even Xu Ding usually texted him when something was going on. Recently as well, he hasn’t been receiving any scams or sales calls.

As he took the phone and glanced at the displayed number, his heart sank.

He didn’t Cheng Yi’s number saved, but he remembered the end digits the same way one may remember the end numbers of a license plate.

As for why Cheng Yi would call him, a private call couldn’t demonstrate the so-called depth of their sibling bond – A pointless investment.

After starting at the number for a while, Cheng Ke hit the answer button, “Hey.”

“Bro, it’s me, Little Yi.” That gentle voice that trailed out sounded far away from the phone, “where are you right now?”

“Ready to board the ship.” Cheng Ke replied.

“What ship? You’re going on a trip?” Cheng Yi gasped.

“Spaceship.” Cheng Ke said, “I’m ready to head out to save humanity.”

“Are you at home?” Cheng Yi ignored him and pressed on.

“What’s your deal?” Cheng Ke asked unpleasantly.

“Wanted to see you.” Cheng Yi said.

“Haven’t you seen enough after 25 years?” Cheng Ke felt annoyed, “Couldn’t you be any less fake? I don’t want to see you at all.”

“Is it Little Ke?” A female voice spoke from afar.

Cheng Ke gave a violent start. That was his mother’s voice.

“I’m on speaker phone with Mom,” Cheng Yi said, “Mom wants to see you.”

“What’s there to see?” Cheng Ke flinched, realizing why Cheng Yi sounded so far away.

In that instant, he felt like holding Cheng Yi to the ground to stomp on him.

Cheng Yi turned the speaker phone on precisely because he knew how he’d be treated.

What a fearsome brother!

Cheng Ke paced around the living room restlessly, annoyed.

“You’ve been away for so long,” Cheng Yi said, “Isn’t it normal for Mom to want to see you?”

Bullshit!

Mom was a person who lived her life peacefully and detached regardless of the cruelties of the world. While it can’t be said that she didn’t care about her family, chanting Buddhist scriptures daily to wish her family health and prosperity. She was the only one among the family, including relatives, to require delving into her beliefs to calm herself upon discovering his sexuality. If it weren’t for Cheng Yi, she would never have wanted to come over to see him.

“It’s not a great time.” Cheng Ke grit his teeth.

“Why? Do you have…” a short pause, ”a friend over?” Cheng Yi asked.

Cheng Yi’s pause was strategic and more calculated than to have said “a guy” and corrected himself.

“No.” Cheng Ke felt like smashing his phone, “Why are you still outside at this time of day, aren’t you gonna have dinner?”

“This week, Mom’s abstaining from food after noon.”

“We’ve already arrived downstairs,” His mother’s voice rang out again, “You’re home, aren’t you, Little Ke?”

“…Yes.” Cheng Ke sat on the sofa.

“Which floor?” His mother continued.

“The sixteenth.”

After hanging up, Cheng Ke swept his eyes around the house. If his mother saw Jiang Yuduo, she would surely draw her own conclusion, ‘Even having been chased out, my son still finds it in himself to find himself a man to live with him.’ Especially now that he’s said that there was no one else at home.

Normally he couldn’t care less, but his ego couldn’t take this additional blow after he was already chased out of the house.

Cheng Ke looked at Jiang Yuduo, regretting his impulsive invitation of him to his home. Yet it’s too late to send him off. Given Cheng Yi’s style, he would have looked for an excuse to have their mother wait a while longer for Jiang Yuduo to come out before approaching to greet him.

What kind of person would he be to have Jiang Yuduo hide away in the stairwell till they left?

“What’s the matter?” Jiang Yuduo looked at him.

“My mother and brother are coming up right now.” Cheng Ke said.

“To see you?”

“Yes.” Cheng Ke forced a smile.

“Then I should go.” Jiang Yuduo took his coat, but then hesitated. “Have they entered the lift? Will we bump into each other? Your brother recognises me.”

Cheng Ke was surprised. Jiang Yuduo was not a shy person. He wouldn’t mind facing strangers, let alone Cheng Yi.

He didn’t think Jiang Yuduo would be in such a hurry to leave.

“I don’t think it’ll go well.” Jiang Yuduo said.

“Why?” Cheng Ke asked.

“Your brother’s a given but if your mother saw me…” Jiang Yuduo frowned, “To be mixed up with someone like me, how would you ever return to your life of luxury?”

Cheng Ke’s mind was in a tizzy, but he felt happy upon hearing those words.

After another moment’s thought, his smile faded and he felt a mysterious pang of sorrow.

“Stay.” Cheng Ke stood and took the coat from Jiang Yuduo’s arms and hung it on the coat rack. “As long as you don’t mind my Mom mistaking you for my boyfriend, there’s nothing to worry about.”

“Fuck.” Jiang Yuduo was nervous all of a sudden, “Your mom’s that type?”

Cheng Ke jerked around to look at him.

As indifferent as he was towards others’ perception of himself, he couldn’t understand why Jiang Yuduo’s inadvertent reactions kept piercing his heart.

“Yeah.” He nodded, and took the coat off the rack again. “Perhaps you should hang for a bit in the stairs till they leave the house.

Jiang Yuduo paused, before violently gesturing, “No, no, I’m not leaving, that’s not what I meant.”

Cheng Ke narrowed his eyes.

“I don’t mind if she misunderstands, it’s not like it’s true, “Jiang Yuduo continued, “I’m just sad that your mom’s the same as your brother.”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

“I’m not leaving.” As if trying to prove something, Jiang Yuduo immediately plopped down onto the sofa and stretched his legs, as if he had been there all this time.

Cheng Ke had little time to clean up the things carelessly tossed around the house before the doorbell rang.

He gave a glance at the man still spread out on his sofa, and went to the door.

His mother and Cheng Yi stood outside. Cheng Ke stepped aside, “Mom.”

“You’ve gotten thinner.” His mother looked him over, before entering the house, “Are you not eating nor sleeping well?…”

Silence fell on them upon seeing Jiang Yuduo on the sofa.

Jiang Yuduo had probably never experienced something like this in his life. He didn’t even stand up, only sat up from his splayed position. He nodded his head at Cheng Ke’s mother and Cheng Yi, saying “Good evening.”

Cheng Ke didn’t know why but he suddenly wanted to laugh.

“Ah, good evening,” His mother gave a slight nod, withholding her shock and displeasure before turning her head to look back at Cheng Ke, “Is this your friend?”

“Yes.” Cheng Ke nodded.

“Landlord,” Jiang Yuduo said. Cheng Ke looked at him. “Landlord. I’m here for the rent,” he emphasised again.

“Oh.” Cheng Ke’s mother nodded, and glanced at Cheng Yi.

“Yeah, he’s pretty nice,” Cheng Yi smiled. “He came along to Brother’s last performance too.”

Cheng Ke took his mother’s coat to hang on the coat rack and wished he could stay looking at it. He felt like hugging the coat rack till everyone left.

He was not good at, nor was he willing to deal with this situation. It annoyed him greatly, especially with someone as quick as Cheng Yi.

“Not really,” Jiang Yuduo said, “I was invited by Xu Ding.”

“Oh.” Cheng Yi smiled again. “Come sit, Mom.”

Cheng Ke turned his head to see his mother spare a glance at the sofa before moving to sit next to the dinner table.

Cheng Yi also took a chair and sat beside their mother.

Cheng Ke was about to head to the sofa, when the kettle whistled.

“Water’s done.” He moved towards the kitchen.

On entering the kitchen, he heard his mother’s voice, “And he knows how to boil water now.”

He turned off the stove, staring at the kettle for a while, before turning back to the living room.

The occupants continued to stay silent. Jiang Yuduo relaxed his posture on the sofa again and played on his phone. Cheng Ke’s mother looked around the room as if she had nothing better to do. Cheng Yi, who could read the atmosphere like a book, chose to not make conversation in order to avoid making things awkward – allowing the atmosphere to curdle like paste.

“This apartment’s alright. It’s new.” Cheng Ke said.

“I can tell,” His mother replied. “Won’t it be noisy, I see a public park downstairs.”

“It’s on a high floor, I don’t hear much noise.” Cheng Ke sat on the sofa.

“Why didn’t you…” His mother looked at Jiang Yuduo momentarily, “call home at all?”

“Everything’s alright, there’s nothing to bother you with,” Cheng Ke said.

His mother appeared to have more to say, but perhaps in Jiang Yuduo’s presence, she stopped at this. She made idle chat about the apartment and his current life before standing up and saying, “It’s good that everything’s alright. We’ll be taking our leave.”

“I’ll send you off.” Cheng Ke stood as well.

“It’s fine, it’s cold outside.” His mother patted his arm.

“Your friend’s still here,” Cheng Yi said, “You don’t have to send us off.”

Cheng Ke grit his teeth without speaking.

As his mother and Cheng Yi reached the door, Jiang Yuduo stood up and approached them, “Take care, Auntie.”

“Ay, I will.” Cheng Ke’s mother smiled.

As the two entered the lift, Cheng Ke stood there, looking at the closed doors of the lift in a daze.

A flame was lit under his feet, and while he did his mightiest not to let it spread, it was to no avail.

He had never felt such an emotion before. His hatred of his brother reached its peak in this one split moment. He couldn’t understand why Cheng Yi would use his relentlessness on him.

Anger and helplessness swirled inside him and scaled his hands and feet to a chill.

“Aren’t you cold?” Jiang Yuduo asked beside the door.

Cheng Ke swerved his head, thinking about his reply to his mother and Jiang Yuduo’s response of ‘Landlord.’ His anger boiled over and spilled out.

“None of your fucking business,” Cheng Ke said, “You fucking landlord!”

Jiang Yuduo was startled, “Excuse me? I was sparing you from having your mother think otherwise!”

“Really?” Cheng Ke sneered, “What kind of landlord doesn’t leave? We had guests! A fucking landlord sitting on the sofa playing on his phone!”

“Don’t you “fucking” this, “fucking” that,” Jiang Yuduo glared at him, “I wasn’t the one giving you trouble!”

“Who was the one giving me trouble?” Cheng Ke hollered, “Who was the one giving me trouble! Who was the fucking one giving me fucking trouble! It’s fucking trouble fucking looking for me!”

Jiang Yuduo didn’t say a word. After glaring at Cheng ke, he grabbed his coat and walked out, slamming the door shut and pushing him aside to press the lift button.

Cheng Ke looked at him, and after two seconds gave another frustrated yell, “I didn’t grab the fucking keys!”

Jiang Yuduo gave a start and swivelled his head. “Fuck!”