Can Ci Pin - - - Chapter 100

Chapter 100 – Can I?

The hours before dawn were the toughest times for people to wake up. Lu Bixing walked around the whole day with a heavy heart, and because he didn’t know when Lin Jingheng would return, he fell into a deep slumber while waiting. It took him a while after being knocked on the head by the door to fully wake up.

Lin Jingheng noticed this unexpected ‘package’ leaning on the door and quickly pushed the door back slightly. Lu Bixing slid down to the ground and frantically tried to crawl back up; his eyelids were still heavy even after numerous attempts to wake up. He stayed on the ground for a while, his shirt wrinkled from the shoulder down to the waist in a sloppy fashion. The fashionable Headmaster Lu seemed to always find himself losing all his scholarly demeanor and image whenever he stepped into Lin Jingheng’s little ‘closet’ room.

Lin Jingheng asked: “Why are you always sitting on the ground when you come in?”

The part of Lu Bixing’s brain that could process language seemed to still be asleep. He stood up and squinted at Lin Jingheng with a hint of confusion as if he didn’t understand the words that were being said.

When Lin Jingheng landed on Qiming, he was immediately informed of Hope’s escape and Turan’s tantrum over the incident. Every step he took from the launching dock to the command post was filled with unease, but the moment he laid his eye on little Mister Lu here, all the anxiety and frustration in his mind was cleared like a gust of wind blowing away the fog.

“Aren’t you cold? Doesn’t your neck hurt like that?” Lin Jingheng sighed, carefully grabbed Lu Bixing’s arm and took the young scientist beside the bed. “Sleep here, it’s still a while before the sun rises.”

Lu Bixing fell onto the bed without a word like a log, forcefully creating an imprint of his figure on Lin Jingheng’s bed.

Lin Jingheng looked at him for a while. The eyes that were clouded by fog before dawn regained some warmth and light as he looked at the young man in resignation.

Lin Jingheng quickly took off all the small equipment and protection gear as he headed towards the closet on the side. As he turned back around to take his clothes off, Lu Bixing jumped out of the bed like a zombie with his eyes still closed and searched his way towards Lin Jingheng.

The commander went back towards the door to take his shoes off, and this little zombie scientist followed him over as if he was sleep walking. When Lin Jingheng opened up the closet to pull some clothes out, he also followed over; then once again followed the commander to the bathroom…except this time the poor scientist was locked outside the door.

Lu Bixing stared at the bathroom door for a few seconds and yawned. He finally woke up, stretched his stiff muscles from sleeping on the floor too long and finally responded to Lin Jingheng’s question almost a whole year later: “Where do I sit if I don’t sit on the floor? Your little room only has a bed and no chair.”

Lin Jingheng’s voice, along with the sound of water flowing, passed through the door: “I never said you can’t sit on the bed. What, are you afraid I’m going to take advantage of you?”

He’d never responded to Lu Bixing’s long-distance message. The fleet would pass by multiple transfer portals on their way back and mechs would automatically scan for matching long-distance signals and send a notification to the pilot. Yet this person still chose to not look or give any attention; it was as if he had to put on a hard shell on himself when he faced the world and even Lu Bixing. If he found any cracks or broken parts on the shell, he would lock himself away and fix it behind closed doors.

He would rather strip down naked than let anyone see his wounds; including Lu Bixing.

Lu Bixing waited over 20 hours for him without a word or response. His heart had raced in concern during those hours and was already exhausted; he had even had a nightmare that the commander left him without a goodbye.

Even though he knew that Lin was this kind of person and couldn’t find a reason to scold the latter, Lu Bixing still felt frustrated at this thought. The way Lu Bixing decided to express his frustration was to pull at and adjust his shirt collar, then banged on the bathroom door as he called out obnoxiously: “You want to take advantage of me? Good, open the door, come at me!”

The door to the bathroom opened unexpectedly. Lu Bixing was caught off guard and slapped his hand onto Lin Jingheng’s body. The warm droplets of water fell from the tips of his hair and rolled down along his collarbone past his chest, then down onto his clean abs. It was as if Lu Bixing touched an electric current and quickly pulled back his hand, took a step back, and crashed his back onto the closet door behind him.

Lin Jingheng had the intention to tease him; the edge of his lips trembled slightly as he held back laughter, then spoke emotionlessly: “move, don’t mess around.”

Lu Bixing first gave into his upright-gentleman instincts and moved his gaze away subconsciously, then immediately realized as he thought: you’re the one that exposed yourself, and you think I’m too scared to look?

He then slowly relaxed his shoulders and legs then leaned onto the closet door, gathered up his courage and blew a whistle as he turned his gaze onto Lin Jingheng provocatively. Perhaps it was because Milky Way City had recently entered its dry season, the temperature difference between night and day was more dramatic than before. He spent half a night sleeping on the cold floor of the room but still felt his body heating up, and his nose began to itch.

Five seconds later, the proper scholar still proved to be too inexperienced compared to a real thug; Lu Bixing puffed up his face in an attempt to be intimidating, only to have his act broken by his visibly reddening face from his neck up to his face. He then pulled back his obnoxious crab legs and readjusted his shirt, then quickly shot a strange glance down as if he was checking something.

A vague smile lifted by the corner of Lin Jingheng’s corner of his eyes as he walked back in and closed the bathroom door.

Lu Bixing didn’t seem very confident about himself and pressed his finger below his nose to make sure no strange liquid rolled down and said: “Nice body, Commander, but that towel’s in the way.”

Lin Jingheng ignored his suggestive comments.

Lu Bixing stood silently by the door for a moment then mumbled to himself: “there’s a noise cancellation system by the bed, I wouldn’t be able to catch the door opening if I fell asleep on it.”

His voice was low but still passed through the slightly opened door into Lin Jingheng’s ears. Lin Jingheng lifted his eyes slightly and stood in the middle of the steam.

“You…” Lu Bixing’s gaze fell onto the small crack of the door where the light peeked out.

He thought about it and concluded that Lin Jingheng clearly didn’t need any consolation, otherwise he wouldn’t have cut off all connections and hid himself from the rest of the world.

Aside from madmen that have lost their sanity, every human being needed care and love like how everyone needed food to survive. For those people that are mentally healthy and easy to get along with, it was as if they had a healthy digestive system that could absorb anything they ate. No matter what kind of trouble they’ve gone through, all they needed was a kind pat on the back, regardless of how insignificant it was to get back on their feet and be able to absorb the kindness.

But Lin Jingheng was clearly the type without a healthy digestive system; even though he was sensitive and careful about all the feelings other people gave him, he was still quite uncomfortable receiving any kind of affection from most people.

Lu Bixing pondered for a few moments about how he wanted to approach the commander and then said after careful thoughts: “I had a dream earlier that you left without a word.”

Lin Jingheng: “Where did I go?”

“I don’t know, but it’s not the first time you left without saying anything.” Lu Bixing said, “back then on Beijing-β, you accepted the invitation to one of the bases of the Freedom Corps. The communication network of the eight galaxies were still intact, so you contacted the Ninth Squadron to standby outside the Union–the truth is you didn’t plan on returning from that trip, right?”

Lin Jingheng didn’t respond but his heart fell.

If Lu Bixing hadn’t followed his students out and ended up in the base, he probably would have never seen this person again.

What would have happened after that?

Lin Jingheng felt that he would’ve gone out and robbed the supplies of those refugees in the underground terminals because he knew his blood was cold. Perhaps he’d even pride himself in punishing those scum that decided to turn a blind eye at the tragedy awaiting the rest of the galaxy.

Then he wouldn’t even care about the rest of these people and would have quickly reconnected with the Ninth Squadron, taking down the Cayley fleet like a hero and making his grand entrance back to the seven galaxies. He would then carry his hatred and empty soul onto the battlefield and fight until he died. Perhaps he would continue to fight for the Union reluctantly, perhaps he would enter as a third party force; or perhaps he would bring in another storm to stir up the already chaotic battlegrounds and push the world down to a deeper abyss until he turned into another sacrifice of the abyss.

“I dreamed that I sent you a message every second thinking that you would pass by a portal anyway, hoping that those notifications would annoy you to death. But you still didn’t respond. I thought maybe you went out to a portal outside the network or even left the Eighth Galaxy altogether.”

I’m worried about you.

Lu Bixing only wanted to mess with him for a bit but realized that his heart also started aching as he said this. He paused for a little and then said quietly: “Am I not strong enough to keep you? Because you can go anywhere whenever you want, nobody can make you stay, right?”

You have my heart and everything I have, but how much of you are you willing to give me?

Lu Bixing had always been a sensitive and sharp individual and this question wasn’t supposed to be difficult to answer. Yet he began to grow doubts the more he spoke because he did have experiences in the past where he’d gotten a little too ahead of himself.

“I was just thinking, if you got tired of the Eighth Galaxy and me…,” he said.

The sound of running water stopped while he was lost in thought. The door of the bathroom opened up again and Lin Jingheng walked out with a bathrobe.

“I don’t have the habit of telling people things before I make my decision.” Lin Jingheng responded, “unless someone reminded me ahead of time and I felt that it was necessary. But under most circumstances, you know…”

Lu Bixing let out a difficult laugh: “I know, I’ve heard of all those gossips. Commander Lin is that infamous aloof man who looks down on everyone.”

“Two years ago, I wouldn’t have told you anything if I wanted to leave.” Lin Jingheng paused and lowered his eyebrow as if his next words were difficult to say. He pondered for a few seconds before he finally spoke up, “now, as long as you’re here, I won’t leave.”

Lu Bixing looked at him in disbelief.

Lin Jingheng looked at him and added: “Even if I had a reason to leave for a while, I’ll come back as long as you’re still here.”

Lu Bixing was dumbstruck by this sudden surprise and forgot that he was trying really hard to give a roundabout expression of his worry. He slowly held in his breath and asked: “What’s the difference between two years ago and now?”

“We were only friends two years ago.”

Lu Bixing almost wanted to ask “ is that how you treat your friends ”, but then remembered that this same man also admitted personally that he considered Monoeyed Hawk a friend. It looked like if a normal treatment to a “friend” was on the same level as his own father, the commander was considerably more lenient towards him.

He followed up immediately: “What about now? Hey Commander, do you always talk like squeezing a half-used tube of toothpaste in the Silver Fortress too?”

Lin Jingheng smiled and didn’t respond to this clear provocation, then turned his head: “I woke you up earlier, you can go back to sleep now.”

Yet with Lu Bixing’s vitality, he could regain his spirit with even the slightest hint of sunlight. He was now fully recharged; the young man took a step forward and gave the commander a hug from behind: “So if we go above friends, we’re like ‘special friends’, right?”

Lin Jingheng didn’t complain and let Lu Bixing cling onto him without a word. No, that’s not it , he thought.

Whether it was normal friends or close friends, these relationships could still go in both directions; on one hand, the relationship could escalate to the point where both parties become completely enamored with each other. They would be willing to live and die for one another. At the same time, the relationship could also fall apart due to a clash in personalities or even turn both parties into mortal enemies.

But I won’t let it happen , Lin Jingheng thought. For Lu Bixing, he would never go down the latter route because his feelings for the young man were limitless.

Even if one day Lu Bixing woke up from this sweet dream to see the true despicable nature of him, Lin Jingheng could still walk away and protect the boy he cared about from afar.

There was only an hour left before the sun rose. Lin Jingheng looked at the time, took out a set of clean clothes and made himself a cup of coffee with no intention of sleeping: “I suspect that Hope isn’t just a victim of the internal conflict in the AUS if he chose to leave now. Where would he go? It’s likely that he also has his own supporters in the Union who still have connections with the pirates outside. If that’s the case, the Eighth Galaxy’s armed forces may be at risk of being exposed to the enemy; we should prepare for the worst. You should sleep a bit more, I’ll discuss this with Turan.”

“Hope won’t do that.” Lu Bixing stole a sip of the commander’s coffee and forcefully pulled his daydreaming mind back to reality. He rubbed his temples and said, “you know, I really hate your habit of changing the topic in the middle of a heartfelt confession. If you don’t know what to say, why can’t you find some books to read and learn how a real confession works?”

Lin Jinghend nodded cooperatively: “Sure.”

Lu Bixing: “……”

He didn’t want to admit that was a little cute.

Lu Bixing cleared his throat and sat back down on the bed: “Hope…he is definitely a scheming character, but he isn’t crazy. He wouldn’t have risked betraying his organization to help us if he was; he also spent a lot of time and effort on the agricultural bases, I can tell from how beautiful the farms looked. He has his own sets of morals and things he holds strong opinions on, but he truly is someone that wants to fill the wilderness with flowers. If he didn’t have such strong ideals, he wouldn’t be able to sway so many people and build such a strong following.”

Lin Jingheng looked at him in slight surprise: “You sure have quite a high opinion of him.”

“It’s just my instincts, it might be wrong.” Lu Bixing said, “Though if it’s really like you said and Hope still kept in contact with his sponsor, he could’ve left at anytime; why did he stay for so long to do volunteer work then? If he could delete the second half of that list, he would’ve had the chance to destroy the entire file–I feel like he left it on purpose for us to see. It’s his way of explaining all this chaos to us so that we don’t dive in like clueless clowns and making sure we still put the protection of the newly built Eighth Galaxy as first priority. It’s likely that we’ll still remain enemies in the future, but for now I don’t think he will expose us and will instead actively protect us. I want to assume that with his age, he might have joined the AUS before…Doctor Laura or even Doctor Hardin were active in the organization. I want to believe that the early rebels of Eden still have an unbending ideal in their hearts.”

He shot a meek glance at Lin Jingheng when he mentioned Laura, but the latter didn’t have any reaction.

Lu Bixing then continued: “you know, it’s quite strange–those people that really changed the world in history are often ones that unintentionally walked down a path in their life until they reached the eye of the storm. They were selected by history and coincidentally became those key figures in times of crisis. And those people that had strong ideals since the start, the ones that actively reached out to challenge the world are instead pushed into an unknown direction by the currents of fate. It’s like humans were never given the wisdom to choose their own paths, right? The world that Doctor Laura wanted to see was not a world like this.”

Lin Jingheng finally understood that Lu Bixing’s strange behavior tonight was an attempt to carefully console him. The young man was even careful to not refer to Laura by her last name out of consideration for Lin Jingheng’s detest towards the committee, like an anxious little puppy slowly walking over to rub against his leg.

Lin Jingheng felt as if a small needle poked at his heart: “….yeah.”

Lu Bixing held his hand out towards him and said: “So can you relax a little sometimes? Get some sleep.”

Lin Jingheng reached out and held his hand, and gently brushed his fingers across his hand. He looked up and gazed at Lu Bixing deeply: “How can I sleep when you’re here?”

Lu Bixing’s instinct was that Lin Jingheng wasn’t complaining about the bed being stolen nor shooing him away; his throat rolled slightly.

Lin Jingheng leaned down as he closed the distance between himself and Lu Bixing: “Can I?”

Lu Bixing felt that even if Lin Jingheng asked for his life right now, he would gladly hand it over to him without hesitation.

Within the blink of an eye, the young scientist that lacked actual experimental research quickly ran through the content of all the adult books he’d read in his mind. His instincts told him that even though impulse was often the start of everything behind the curtains, it still required some skill to accomplish. He wasn’t prepared, and with Commander Lin’s ‘skills’, he was afraid he might not be able to stroll out without a scratch tonight.

When the two’s bare skin touched, Lu Bixing’s head was filled with excitement and thought: who cares? I have Lin Jingheng now, I might as well just roll with it.

But despite being prepared mentally, it was still difficult to force himself to relax when it got to that point.

Lu Bixing held in the pain and didn’t make a sound, but his arm around Lin Jingheng’s waist gripped tighter by the minute. His gaze also flew towards the side of the bed–there was an emergency first aid kit from the drawer within arm’s reach.

Lin Jingheng suddenly stopped and asked: “Does it hurt?”

Lu Bixing took in a deep breath and forced a smile onto his face: “No.”

Lin Jingheng held his chin and gently pressed his lips to the corner of Lu Bixing’s mouth. He reached his hand over and wiped off the thin layer of cold sweat from Lu Bixing’s forehead and slowly let the young man go.

Lu Bixing: “Huh? What are you doing?”

Lin Jingheng: “You can do it.”

Lu Bixing didn’t catch what he meant and stared at the commander in confusion.

Lin Jingheng pinched his nose lightly, then reached his arm over to pull the first aid drawer out. A full pack of medication and medical equipment was neatly stacked in the drawer; Lin Jingheng turned his gaze back to Lu Bixing and said: “I said you can do it, do you want me?”

Lu Bixing felt his brain short-circuit for a moment as if he was still dreaming, then stuttered as he opened his mouth: “I…I…c-c-can I really?”

Book 4 – Rose of the Azure Sea