Waiting for you online - - - Chapter 93

Chapter 93

Xie Bi An went back, face the wall and think about his mistake. He spent the rest of the night chanting a mind-easing recitation to the wall.

Fan Wu She’s “sudden attack” made the nightmare he had no longer the biggest problem at the moment. After all, it was more urgent and problematic to worry about his present life than about what he had done in his past life.

He felt that Fan Wu She’s abnormality was all because of himself. Because he had not noticed that he had taken the book by mistake, and had made Fan Wu She curious. Because he was curious so he looked at the book, resulting the youthful and ignorant teenager developing a fantasy. He felt so guilty that he had accidentally led his younger brother astray. What a waste to be someone’s brother!

Moreover, the most embarrassing and shameful thing was that he remembered that dream at that moment, and even, even the originally blurred face of the man in the dream, in a flash, coincided with the face of Fan Wu She. It was also because of this that he had fled in terror.

He couldn’t help but wonder if he was really a gay. Even if he was, he couldn’t have an illicit thought about his own junior brother!

Xie Bi An pinched his thigh fiercely and chanted, “Ice cold for a thousand years, all things especially quiet, the heart should be calm, look at myself alone to awake, mind and spirit unite, qi should follow, alternate with myself, not alarmed by changes, no idiocy, no anger, no desire, no demand, no abandonment, no inaction, non-self*…”

Enduring until dawn, Xie Bi An had a plan for the time being; he had to first set Fan Wu She right, not to let his junior brother go further and further down the wrong path.

Then, when the matter has come to an end, he will return to the Underworld and see Meng Po. He wants to know why he remembered his past life so often, and whether he had any unfinished regrets.

But who doesn’t have?

Hopefully, Meng Po would be able to answer his questions and, most importantly, have a way to help him get rid of those fragmented memories.

At this moment, he listened to a sound from next door, which seemed to be Zhong Kui’s room.

Xie Bi An opened the door and saw that it was Yun Zhong Jun who had come to invite Zhong Kui. He was just about to ask a question when the doors to the rooms of Fan Wu She and Lan Chui Han, one to his left and one to his right, opened at the same time and they peeked out at the same time.

Xie Bi An’s gaze was too late to dodge, and crashed right into Fan Wu She’s. His ears became hot and he resisted the urge to retreat to his bedroom.

Just hearing Zhong Kui said, “The Immortal is finally willing to see me.”

“Heaven Master, please.”

“Master …”

“You guys just wait here.” Zhong Kui took two steps and added, “Do not run around.”

Although he looked at Xie Bi An when he spoke, several people knew in their hearts to whom he was addressing.

“Wait.” Lan Chui Han walked over, his face devoid of his usual refined light smile, looking solemn and cold, “Brother Yun, as a junior, my words carry little weight, and I know I am not qualified to ask for an audience with the Immortal, but I have been entrusted by Immortal Alliance Li’s mandate, hoping to resolve the conflict. If the Cangyu Sect delays in handing over the two Flying Plume Ambassadors and the Seven Star Lamp, and does not take a stand, then it would be failing Immortal Alliance Li’s hard work. ”

Yun Zhong Jun said in a deep voice, “Brother Lan, I already said yesterday that it is not for me to make the decision on this matter. Master’s health is declining day by day and I have not yet had the time to persuade her.”

“Because of the demon foal Wuya, the heads of the major sects will probably come to Fenglin Continent personally, just in time to settle the accounts of Chunyang Sect. Is Brother Yun really not worried about the survival of the Cangyu Sect?”

Yun Zhong Jun’s lips were tightly pursed and he did not speak.

“Take me along.” Lan Chui Han clasped his hand behind his back and square his shoulders. “I can’t just sit here. Even if the Immortal refuses to see me later, I can still report back after carrying out my order, saying I have tried my best. In the future, if the Cangyu Sect is exposed to enemy attacks on all sides, I will be able to afford the friendship of forging the sword back then.”

Yun Zhong Jun sighed, “Come with me.”

After the three of them left, only Xie Bi An and Fan Wu She were left.

Xie Bi An’s heart thumped twice. He couldn’t hide in his room, as it would undermine the dignified manner as a senior brother, but in this early morning, he still hadn’t figured out how to teach Fan Wu She.

Fan Wu She said, “Brother, you haven’t eaten your breakfast yet, I’ll go and bring it to you.”

His demeanour and tone of voice were as normal, which made Xie Bi An breathe a sigh of relief: “Okay.”

5 minutes later, Fan Wu She brought two breakfast meals to Xie Bi An’s room. Xie Bi An was leaning by the window, looking at Fengming Lake in the distance, and the black aura of death on the shore of the lake.

“Are they just going to keep trapping Wuya like this?” Fan Wu She gently placed the tray on the table, calculating in his mind how exactly to snatch Wuya back.

“There’s no way to decide what to do with Wuya now. After all, it was once the saddle horse of the demon supreme. Moreover, the appearance of the demon foal here vaguely gives people the impression that there is some kind of conspiracy. The whole immortal cultivation world is silent out of fear and turn pale when talking about the demon supreme. Like what big brother Lan said, the immortal alliance will get the news in the next two days and will soon make a move.” Xie Bi An’s eyes were still on Wuya. The skeletal horse gave him a familiar feeling, as if they had met before, but that was not surprising. Every cultivator had seen Wuya’s portrait. Some wild books and tittle-tattle that loved to get people’s attention even painted it with three heads and six wings, like a living monster.

“Senior brother, come and eat.”

Xie Bi An’s figure paused and slowly turned around, pretending to sit down in a usual manner, pointing to a fish and saying, “I heard that this fish is only found in Kunlun. The meat is tender and sweet. When I leave, I must take some with me, and go back to give Bo Zhu and official Lord Cui a taste.”

Fan Wu She picked up his chopsticks and took a bite, “Mmm, it tastes good, but if senior brother had made it, it would have tasted even better.” After saying this, he smiled at Xie Bi An, with a deep meaning in his eyes.

Xie Bi An hurriedly lowered his head and ate to hide the momentary panic in his heart.

Fan Wu She gave Xie Bi An another piece of asparagus.

“You eat your own, don’t mind me.”

Fan Wu She paused.

Just as Xie Bi An was somewhat remorseful whether he had spoken too harshly, Fan Wu She said, “Yesterday, senior brother said, you will take care of me no matter what. So do I, I also want to take care of senior brother.”

“…”

Fan Wu She looked at Xie Bi An without blinking, as if he wouldn’t rest until he stared at something from his face.

“What are you looking at me for, hurry up and eat.” Xie Bi An said, ashamed and angry.

“Don’t you know what I’m looking at you for?” Fan Wu She smiled with hooked lips, his tone had a few teasing implications.

Xie Bi An slammed his chopsticks with a snap and stared back at Fan Wu She in a pretend serious manner.

The smile climbed from the corners of Fan Wu She’s lips to the corners of his eyes, and finally turned into a hooked tangling ambiguity that flowed from his gaze to Xie Bi An.

Xie Bi An thought Fan Wu She is just a seventeen-year-old boy who is not as experienced as himself. He shouldn’t lose this battle of grandeur. He doesn’t know that a demon supreme is living inside this young man that has frightened the immortal world for a hundred years. Not to mention the fact that he was no match for lust alone. He could not withstand one bold and seductive glance from Fan Wu She.

Xie Bi An hurriedly picked up his chopsticks: “The fish should be getting cold, hurry up and eat.”

But his wrist was gently clasped.

Fan Wu She’s thumb pressed against the bump of Xie Bi An’s wrist bone, rubbing it intentionally or unintentionally, and whispered, “Senior brother doesn’t even dare to look at me anymore.”

Xie Bi An shook off his hand, heaved down his chopsticks again, and said seriously, “Wu She, let’s talk.”

“Okay.”

Xie Bi An displayed the posture of an elder brother and said gently but without losing any dignified manner, “Wu She, I know what’s wrong with you. It’s senior brother’s fault that I took an inexplicable book by mistake and showed you something that you didn’t understand before, so you couldn’t tell what is right or wrong, plus you’re at a young age filled with vigour and vitality, and there’s no one of your age around you except senior brother, so you’ve had some illusions.”

He looked at Xie Bi An finished his analysis with a clear and logical manner, looking like he was trying to convince himself, and said with a smile, “You think I’m a three-year-old child.”

“What do you understand.”

“I don’t understand?” Fan Wu She raised an eyebrow, “What do you think I don’t understand.”

“You don’t understand.” Xie Bi An said with some difficulty, “Senior brother is a man, wait until you meet a girl you like …”

Fan Wu She smiled evilly: “I can’t get hard with a girl, but at night when I think of senior brother, my bottom swells up.”

“You!” Xie Bi An almost jumped out of his chair. His junior brother was usually condescending and has a lose tongue, but he did not expect to hear such vulgar and bold words. The original thought of reasoning was all but lost in a flash.

“If I don’t say it like this, you won’t understand, right?” Fan Wu She gazed deeply into Xie Bi An’s eyes and said solemnly, “I like you.”

Xie Bi An was dumbfounded.

When he said these words, Fan Wu She was also frozen.

When he was still Song Zi Xiao, he knew exactly what his endless desire for Song Zi Heng really stemmed from, except that all the possibilities between them had been torn to pieces by hatred. He kept on possessing, he kept on plundering, he was like a wild beast almost devouring his big brother completely night after night, as if the only way to express the love he could not declare was to enter over and over again, to mark over and over again.

He had never said “like” to Song Zi Heng, not even once.

When he said “like”, Fan Wu She’s heart ached as if it had been cut out by a knife a thousand times. In his past and present life, in his hundred years of torture in hell, what he longed for most was to be able to say “like” to the person he liked.

Fan Wu She grabbed Xie Bi An’s hand, his gaze glittering and frighteningly bright: “Senior brother, be my cultivation partner, be with me for the rest of your life, okay?”

Xie Bi An stood up and trembled, “Ridiculous, ridiculous!”

“How is this ridiculous? It’s not uncommon for men to form a couple, there are several pairs in the Cangyu Sect.”

“What are you thinking at such a young age?” Xie Bi An’s face was so red that it could have dripped blood, and even the thin skin at the corners of his eyes was glistening with pink, as if he had been greatly offended.

Fan Wu She said shamelessly, “I could have gotten married a long time ago, what’s wrong with me thinking about all these? If I want to get a wife, I will only marry senior brother.”

Xie Bi An had never experienced such a scene before and was at a loss for words, much more troublesome as compared to facing a bunch of evil spirits alone. His brain was feverish and chaotic, and his heartbeat was so loud that it his head hurt from shaking. He shook his head, still forcing himself to act calm: “You, you’re just being nonsensical, I’m your senior brother.”

Fan Wu She adjusted his emotions, and his face sank, making a hurt and vexed face, “Senior brother doesn’t believe? If you don’t like me, you can say so, I will make you like me, but what rights do you have in not believing my sincerity? You don’t like me, then you can trample on my sincerity like this?” After saying that he turned his face away, his shoulders shaking slightly.

“I … I’m not …” Xie Bi An could not stand this the most. Seeing Fan Wu She’s sad and aggrieved look, his guilt-ridden heart suddenly arise. He could only feebly argue. “Senior brother is not disbelieving you.”

Fan Wu She did not say anything.

Xie Bi An sighed helplessly and seemed resigned to his fate: “Then … what do you like about senior brother?”

Only then did Fan Wu She turn his face. He looked at Xie Bi An. What came before his eyes was the can’t-do-anything-about-him doting look that Song Zi Heng always showed, his eyes suddenly filled with deep emotion: “Senior brother treats me so well, senior brother is also powerful, good looking and gentle, how can I not like senior brother.

That naked gaze, let Xie Bi An once again remembered last night’s dream. If the man in the dream, really had such a stunning face …

Xie Bi An suddenly turned his face away in shame.

Yet Fan Wu She turned his face back. The black inky pupils were unfathomable and hid a desire that was enough to devour the sky and the earth: “Be my man.”

non self*[无我]— Anattā https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anatt%C4%81

(the whole phrase XBA was chanting is a sutra: https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/54590270

there’s no English translation for it