Yesterday - - - Chapter 32

Chapter 32

The announcement of the joint-venture between our two companies caused an uproar in the market. But I have no intention of proudly stretching out my hands to receive the accolades on my victory. The person that represented Huang enterprise in HongKong to sign the contract was HongBing, not me. YuJiang seems not to have expected that it wouldn’t be me, actually calling me up. How laughable, I still think of him as someone that sits calmly by the desk, waiting for my phone call. He asks:

“ShengSheng, since our companies are already partners, why do you have to avoid me?” I don’t even want to think about it, replying:

“YuJiang, firstly, Huang enterprise and Rong enterprise, although we have a shared interest in certain aspects, we are not joined at the hip. Secondly, I’m not intentionally avoiding you, I’m also not fervently hoping to see you.”

“You really think that way?”

“Don’t overestimate your position in the hearts of others.” I speak mean-spiritedly. YuJiang pauses.

“ShengSheng, if I overestimate my position in your heart, there is only one reason.” He says: “It’s because I’ve always thought, that you value me, just as I value you.” My heart sinks suddenly. Things have come to this, what’s the point of saying these words. Even if it is all true, there is no way for redemption.

“YuJiang, are you still in love with me?” He sighs:

“Don’t tell me you think I still have a chance of loving someone else?” I’m thrown into chaos, overwhelmed and alarmed.

“Even if that is true, what’s the use? The HuangSheng you love is no longer.” The affairs of human life is always ironic. The naive HuangSheng, although he gets the love, he doesn’t have the person. The changed HuangSheng, even if he qualifies to stand shoulder to shoulder with him for the rest of their lives, but where does he have to go to figure out which part is real? This fact, is very clear to the both of us. It’s too bad that we also know deeply that it’s fated, that this entanglement will last through lifetime after lifetime, never to be untied. So, we can only continue walking down this road.

The events that followed, although they can cause waves at anytime, but once it happens, is easily settled. Huang enterprise and Rong enterprise are of one position when it comes to construction in mainland China, but in other respects, even though they are equally matched, they oppose each other at every opportunity. Not only do both companies submit competing bids on foreign projects, we also compete for projects in France and HongKong. Just like this, our affiliated small companies, also squabble heatedly, snatching and grabbing, in accordance with the actions of their parent companies, fighting endlessly. HongBing asked before:

“Rong enterprise and Huang enterprise have some friendly connections, why are we fighting each other at every turn, two powerful companies competing over the same things, wouldn’t it be better to talk privately with Rong enterprise, and agree to submit tenders to non-overlapping projects, wouldn’t this make it easier for both to succeed?” All sorts of reasons, if we were to seriously take a look at it, who could say that I don’t have selfish reasons to do so? But this is the advantage of being in charge, everything is up to you to decide, you don’t even need to justify it. I say resolutely:

“Huang enterprise is Huang enterprise, Rong enterprise is Rong enterprise. There are no eternal friends in business, only eternal enemies. This one thing, you have to keep in mind.” Because I’m too afraid of suddenly relenting, I say each word resolutely and decisively. At the least, HongBing doesn’t bring this up again.

The success and failures on both sides are about equal. At the end of the financial year, I finally smile. Because of the outstanding growth of Rong enterprise in the previous years, the increase this year compared the last two is somewhat decreased. That, of course, is due to some of their projects being snatched away by Huang enterprise. Many in the financial news media love to speculate on the love hate relationship between our two companies. Rong enterprise and Huang enterprise are always compared with each other. Regarding this matter, I’m very satisfied. After all, there is finally something where I’m on the same level as him.

Time flies by, it is almost the new year. Relying on the half of the construction rights we got for China, Huang enterprise’s profits rose impressively. I chose to announce to the whole company during this happy time that the year end bonus will be increased by 150%, resulting in immediate cheers and happy chatter.

The New Year holidays are also fast approaching. Everyone is busy planning their time off. However, I’m definitely not going on vacation. Not only that, I also roped in HongBing for some overtime. It’s not the work of going over files, but the inescapable non-stop like a runaway horse stream of dinner and cocktail party invitations.

NiLuo’s party, after GuiDe weathered the wind and waves, the guests come streaming in like clouds, just like before, and all very rich and important people. I received his invitation to his new year party, and for business and personal reasons, decide to attend the party.

At that familiar villa, I see YuJiang once again. In the midst of the fluttering music, everyone is elegant and stunning. But the most striking one, is still the one and only incomparable one person.

“It’s really lively today. The New Year is really the New Year.” I hold my wineglass and chat merrily with a business partner that is also attending the party. The representative from FeiRuoLin, Locke, is over fifty and sports a big belly. He nods saying:

“I have long heard that the parties held by the chairman of GuiDe has a unique style, today I’ve seen it, truly amazing.”

“But it’s all done with money, nothing more.”

“Money is actually a good thing, at the least, you can use it to throw this type of fabulous party.” Locke praises NiLuo’s wine endlessly, quickly taking another glass. He suddenly says: “Oh right, the one over there, is the CEO of Rong enterprise?” I jump out of my skin. Who wouldn’t notice that person, he looks intently at the distant YuJiang and sighs: “He’s even more handsome in person than in the magazines. Men today, must not lack power and money, also need good looks, in order to please the ladies. Ai ……. ”

It was my intention to not pay any attention to YuJiang, but after listening to LuoKe, I can only turn around and glance at him. YuJiang was just chatting with NiLuo, but now I don’t know when he became such good friends with the only daughter of the French Minister of Works, Lea. The both of them are laughing heartily. I originally wanted to treat it as nothing, just indifferently letting it pass, as if I didn’t see anything. But looking at the dazzling scene with a handsome man smiling at a beautiful woman, I can’t stop myself from feeling displeased.

Don’t tell me my gaze is too scorching hot? One glance and YuJiang senses it immediately. He suddenly tilts his head and looks intently at me. I’m almost scared out of my wits. It’s not an exaggeration. I’ve long since been on guard, to treat him like anybody else, not giving him any attention whatsoever, absolutely not losing my ground. This one look, and I lose all the resilience I gained from arduous training.

What is there to be afraid of? It’s not like it used to be. I straighten up my back, and wave a toast at him. YuJiang smiles, looking at me with surprise and satisfaction, the warmth making me feel touched, no longer knowing which world I’m in.

“Mr. Huang?” Locke wakes me from my reverie.

“A? O, I’m sorry, the music is making my mind wander.” Locke laughs *he he*,

“Fabulous wines make my mind wander, music makes your mind wander, everyone’s interests are really different.” I turn my head, YuJiang once again has his head bowed, indulging his beautiful woman. It’s pointless to feel down, it’s not as if I need to insist on someone never turning to someone new because of me, to show that I’m still charming.

Right up to the end of the party, I didn’t get close to chat with YuJiang. Him and I, in the same hall, although moving round and round, not once did we run into each other from beginning to end. Each time we raise our heads, our gaze would meet distantly, each of us knowing full well that we would meet each other’s eyes. Yet, we also conceal our feelings as much as possible. Maybe it’s because there is too much history between us, only suitable for each of us to dwell on alone, in the dead of the night, not right now under the clear sun and moon.

Sitting in the car on the way home, there is an inexplicable feeling in my heart. I suddenly don’t feel like going home, to sleep on that lonesome bed. I say to the driver:

“Uncle Lai, stop the car, you can return home, I want to walk about for a bit.” I then walk by myself by the cold main road. It’s not a beautiful night. Not only is there no moon, even the stars are nowhere to be seen. Luckily there are still the city lights, bright and glimmering, lighting my way home. The phone in my pocket suddenly rings *di di*. It’s ShuTing. He says lovingly through the phone:

“ShengSheng, Happy New Year.” I smile bitterly.

“ShuTing, Happy New Year.” Yet another year. Looks like I’ve been deceiving this pitiful person for no less than one year.

“I intended to go to France to celebrate the New Year with you, but things are very busy in Malaysia, ShengSheng, please don’t be angry.”

“Work is most important, I admire your diligence.” All the lies, I conveniently pick out of the cold chilly air effortlessly.

“That’s good then, ShengSheng, I’m hanging up. Goodbye, I love you.” I can’t wait to hang up:

“Goodbye, ShuTing.” I might as well switch off my phone, to prevent any other insensitive people from calling, perturbing my peace and quiet. It’s too bad my wishes are seldom granted. When I raise my head, there is already someone standing before me. For a moment, I still think it’s my imagination. Very quickly I laugh, patting my forehead. I say:

“Right, right, how can I forget, today even the bodyguards are off.” Therefore you can block my path like an evil spirit.

“ShengSheng, lets have a talk?”

“What is there to talk about? The construction permit joint-venture has already been hammered out, as for the other troubles ……. ” I look at him, and say composedly: “That is also business, YuJiang.” YuJiang looks at me and laughs softly. How strange, I thought he would be shamed into anger. After all, in his eyes, I’m always at his mercy, to be manipulated. Even his bottomless eyes are smiling, looking very appealing. For no reason, I think of Lea looking at YuJiang with admiring eyes. In the yesterday that is gone with the wind, how many times have I used the same look, to gaze fixedly at his face.

“ShengSheng …….. ” He comes closer, his slow movements seem to make me lose all my guardedness. Under the beautiful twinkling lights of France, I am once again softly embraced in YuJiang’s arms. Everything feels as if we’ve been apart for a hundred years. This one night, I’m suddenly no longer afraid. That’s because I know that the body that he has in his embrace, although riddled with scars, the soul inside, is not the same as that of past days. It is no longer unable to endure a fierce embrace. YuJiang’s embrace is unusually warm and steady. I say:

“YuJiang, don’t think that I will forgive everything.” YuJiang kisses my forehead.

“I don’t wish for you to forgive everything.” I quickly raise my head:

“Then, do you regret everything that happened?” This question, YuJiang is unwilling to answer. He holds me in his arms, tightly, refusing to let go.

“ShengSheng, tonight, please put aside yesterday for now, OK? Only think of tonight.” My tightly guarded front suddenly splits open to reveal a bloody wound, my suppressed emotions rush out violently. I struggle out of his arms, raise my head, straighten my chest, and confront him.

“YuJiang, tonight we put it aside, what about tomorrow?”

“ShengSheng, I only know, that our love is real.”

“So what if it is real?” I blurt out without thinking: “It’s a pity our yesterday is too unbearable to recall, just like our love for each other, carved in our bones, engraved in our hearts, impossible to forget.”

“Don’t tell me there is no way back?”

“There is!” I shout out loud: “Until one day, when I’m reborn, worn down to the point that a hundred poisons will no longer enter, when I will look but not see yesterday, then only will we meet again. When that time comes, YuJiang, please fall in love with me again.” This is a one-way path that is not right or wrong. Even if there are a thousand types of love, not having a way to go, how can we cross this thousand mountains and ten thousand torrents?

I love him deeply, if not for the vow I made while in prison in Malaysia, wanting to fly above the ninth heaven, training myself, this moment, I would have definitely snuggled into his embrace, never to part again. The only good thing, is that when I turned away from YuJiang and walked step by step further from him, I didn’t shed any tears.

This one night, I sit alone in my room until daybreak. At dawn, I head downstairs, and see my parents at the dining table. Mom says:

“Happy New Year, ShengSheng.”

“Happy New Year, Pa, Ma.” I walk over and kiss mom on the forehead, turning around to smile gently at dad. Dad says:

“What a strong smell of smoke. ShengSheng, you were smoking last night?” I nod:

“I was.” But, dad, do you know. Your son, he did not shed any tears last night.