Yesterday - - - Chapter 33.3

Chapter 33 Part 3

“ShengSheng, ShengSheng ……… ” He clutches his wound, struggling to put me in his field of vision. After that extremely terrifying moment, I feel inexplicably calm and composed, as calm as if I’ve thrown aside all worldly concerns. I slowly move my tied up body, getting closer to ShuTing.

“ShuTing.” I kneel next to ShuTing. He will soon be dead, just like He enterprise, just like his older sister who always looked down on the world with disdain. What I find most unbearable is that even now, he still treasures me so much. If only I could fall in love with him, returning him a bit of his affection, I wouldn’t be so hopelessly guilty right now.

“ShengSheng, there’s no more for hope for this lifetime, the next …….. ” ShuTing stares blankly at me. There is no way for me not to reply, just when I was about to nod, YuJiang’s voice travels over, restraining me.

“Since it won’t happen in this life, why hope that it would happen in the next?” YuJiang says: “His next life, is also my next life.” Just like this, there is really no way for me to refute YuJiang’s words. So, I can only look at ShuTing. Expressing the guilt and shame in my heart through my grieved expression. ShuTing continues to stare blankly at me, a little while later, he closes his eyes, leaving the world. Instantly, I feel as if I have lost something extremely important to me. I turn my head and glare at YuJiang, saying hatefully to YuJiang as if venting my frustration:

“He was already in such a critical condition, why couldn’t you let me say a few words to ease his pain?” YuJiang replies:

“Because I believe in the next life.” His demeanor is extremely serious. I am immediately speechless. YuTing interrupts at this moment:

” life, this life. Whether there will a next life for the both of you, we will find out today.” I have always thought that only professional killers can look at a life slipping away by their own hands without missing a beat. I never expected that YuTing’s aptitude for murder is actually inherent. When he pulled the trigger on ShuTing, there was not even a shred of hesitation or regret. Terrifyingly shocking. YuJiang seems to have expected this all along, saying to him:

“Looks like we won’t escape death today.”

“That’s right.”

“But to just shoot us dead, is probably not stimulating enough for you.”

“Big brother, you know me very well.” YuTing laughs sinisterly:

“The both of you made me lose everything, this marrow penetrating hate, how can it vanish just like that?” My scalp starts to tingle. YuJiang has always been struggling secretly with such a younger brother, enduring the injustice.

“YuTing, life is of course paramount, but wealth has its value. Me and ShengSheng, the ransom for any one of us, is enough to last you comfortably for a lifetime.” YuTing laughs *ha ha* grinding his teeth saying:

“Big brother, although I really do need the money, I have never considered exchanging the both of you for money. For one, I much prefer to see your corpses on the front page of the newspapers. Secondly, your capabilities are so fearsome, I fear that if I were to let the tiger return to the mountains, I will never be at ease.” The second, is indeed the truth. YuJiang knows that YuTing already intends to kill, so he keeps his mouth closed.

YuTing starts to elaborate proudly on his plan to kill us. He pushes us into the kitchen at gun point. My hands and YuJiang’s hands have both been handcuffed. I’m bound together hands and feet, locked onto a steel pipe. YuJiang fared a little better, handcuffed at the back, attached to a thick iron chain of limited range.

“ShengSheng, this is my last generous gift to you.” YuTing confronts the both of us, affixing two knives onto the valve that controls the gas. Long glinting blades, shimmering with the threat of death. “You can take this opportunity to get to know my big brother thoroughly. Doesn’t he love you heart and soul? See if he is willing to die for you?” YuTing stretches out his hand, and twists open the valve. The pungent smell of gas, slowly mixes into the air. “Big brother, your chain is just long enough for you to reach this valve. Of course the rules of the game is that you can’t use your hands, you also can’t use your feet. Are you willing to place your chest onto these knives, and use your teeth to close the valve, to save your ShengSheng’s life? *ha ha*, of course, I can’t guarantee that this method would be successful, but an option is better still better than none, am I right?”

“YuTing! You’re a madman!” I look at the chilling blades, and shout in fury.

“That’s right, I’m a madman. And the two of you, dying at the hands of a madman, how meaningful. Don’t the two of of you pride yourselves as a pair of mandarin ducks? Although I want to blow up your ugliness, the gas is getting stronger and stronger, so I’ll get going.” YuTing examines his handiwork again to see if it is perfect, before smiling in satisfaction, walking to the door. “Oh, right,” He turns around to say: “this place is very remote, even if you were to scream for help at the top of your voices, you wouldn’t even disturb anyone’s dreams.” He waltzes out the door. I hear the sound of the door closing before fully understanding the hopeless situation we’re in. The gas starts to fill the air in the room.

“What are we going to do? YuJiang, what are we going to do?” YuJiang doesn’t say a word, his head bowed, deep in thought. I repeat impatiently: “YuJiang! Have you been scared out of your mind? Say something, think of something.”

“ShengSheng, isn’t the solution right in front of us?” I see the faint smile on his face, a chill runs through my heart. I shudder, saying:

“Don’t be crazy. ShuTing intends to torture us, the solution he gave us is of course fake.” YuJiang actually looks fixedly at the gas valve.

“Real or fake, we can only know if we try.”

“No! YuJiang, are you mad? You will die.”

“I won’t, I will try my best to not let the blades reach my heart, before closing the valve.” He is clearly lying to me, the valve is surrounded by kitchen appliances, it can only be reached from one direction, with his hands and feet constrained, and barely able to reach the valve, how can he get pass the sharp blades? If he stays clear of the blades, his teeth wouldn’t be able to reach the valve. Moreover, even if he is able to avoid one blade, how can he avoid two? A chill runs continuously through my heart.

“Don’t fall for YuTing’s evil plan, his hate is so deep, he wants you to take your own life.” I plead: “YuJiang, I beg you, please don’t.” YuJiang looks at me, his eyes glinting.

“ShengSheng, do you still remember? You asked me before, if I regret it all.” He continues softly: “I regret it.” My throat, suddenly something burning hot rushes up and chokes it. Only when YuJiang slowly drags along the thick iron chain behind him, moving closer to the blades, do I find my voice back in a panic. I scream loudly:

“No! YuJiang, I love you, I have always loved you! Please don’t do this.” YuJiang seems to hear me not, his eyes fixed on the gas valve. The snow white blade has already pierced into his chest. My body shakes fiercely, as if what was cut open, is my own heart. “YuJiang, you don’t have to regret, I have never changed. No matter what happens, I will still love you, I will still forgive you! Please stop!” The second blade also pierces slowly into his chest. I finally break out in tears, wailing madly. “Don’t leave me behind! Don’t leave me all alone! I don’t want to see you die in front of my eyes. You can’t be this cruel, YuJiang! You can’t do this to me!” Finally, YuJiang says, breathing heavily:

“I have no choice.” He says each word firmly: “I also can’t bear to see you die in front of me. I’m sorry, ShengSheng. In the end, I am a selfish man.”

“This is not fair! Absolutely unfair!” YuJiang smiles bitterly before suddenly pushing forward. I hear the sound of the knife stabbing into his flesh, I know that, those two knives have already pierced YuJiang to the bone. But, because of that, he can now reach the gas valve. Looking through my tear-filled eyes, I see him smile slightly before lowering his head, using his teeth to close the valve. I am not the slightest bit happy, really. I never knew that there are times, when life can actually mean nothing. But, YuJiang is unable to close to valve. He tries over and over again, before finally raising his head, saying weakly:

“The valve is broken.” The screw just won’t turn. The almighty YuJiang is sprawled like a sacrificial lamb on the knives. He says to me: “I’m sorry, ShengSheng.” I never imagined that receiving a sincere apology from him, would shake me to the core, making one long to close ones eyes, and leave this world forever. My heart is now in pieces. I unexpectedly calm down, and say calmly:

“We’ve expected that all along, isn’t that right?”

“You may die.”

“Well, there is always the next life.” Thank goodness I didn’t assent to ShuTing regarding the next life. The gas odor in the room gets thicker and thicker. We may lose consciousness at any time.

“ShengSheng,” YuJiang struggles to breathe, asking: “do you love me?”

“I do, I love you, no matter when, no matter where, no matter what happens.” I answer him fervently.

“I know you love me.” YuJiang sighs: “It’s just too bad that you don’t realize just how much I love you.” Freezing cold and scorching heat slam into my overworked heart at once, using their opposing natures to tear it apart, shredding it into countless splinters. My tears start to flow, an endless flow that can no longer be stopped. Just like the pain in my heart. Right this moment, I finally realize, that YuJiang loves me, loves me so much that it pains him so. I greedily drink in his face, praying that heaven would not strip me of this memory, allowing me to love this man in front of me wholeheartedly in my next life.

Time is running out. Right at the last minute, I hear the sound of voices. After getting over my excitement, before I could call for help, I hear the sound of the door being broken and people entering. Several men rush in, taking one look at the situation, and immediately dividing up the tasks, opening the window, twisting the valve, unlocking the chains ……

“YuJiang! YuJiang! They’re here, we are saved!” Even though my gas filled mind is in a mess, I am still conscious, surprised and elated. I don’t know when YuJiang closed his eyes, as if sleeping peacefully. I suffer a huge shock, screaming loudly: “YuJiang! YuJiang!” The men have already nimbly unlocked my hands and feet, I shudder and throw myself at YuJiang: “Don’t die! Don’t die! You can’t do this!”

“Mr. Huang, please be careful, don’t aggravate Mr. Rong’s injuries.” I am restrained by the men. Only then do I realize that YuJiang is not dead, maybe he passed out from losing too much blood. If I really had thrown myself at him, shifting the blades in his chest, that would be tantamount to me killing him. I break out in cold sweat right then and there. I let out a huge sigh.

“Doctor, find a doctor quickly.” I grip my rescuer by the shoulders, shaking him, in an utter panic, my words unclear. The rescue unfolds quickly. Although we are at a remote vacation home, in this world, money is everything. A helicopter approaches thunderously, and lands at a forewarned first rate hospital. I watch as YuJiang is delivered into the operating room, and sit by the door, ill at ease. Those two knives were sawed away carefully from the valve by the rescuers, now still sticking out from YuJiang’s chest, waiting to be removed by the operating surgeon.

“Mr. Huang, please have some water.” At a loss, I take it and turn it round and round in my hands. This group of rescuers are YuJiang’s personal bodyguards. It’s no wonder they are so proficient.

“If you guys had gotten to us earlier, YuJiang wouldn’t be in this condition.” This is just words uttered to vent my frustration, I definitely did not intend to criticize them.

“Mr. Huang, this incident, we bodyguards are definitely at fault.” He continues: “But, every time Mr. Rong approaches Huang enterprise, we are not allowed to follow.”

“Oh?” I thought he is someone that would never be without his bodyguards.

“Furthermore, every time Mr. Rong stops by Huang enterprise, his mood is usually very low, he would go off by himself, not wanting our protection. So, with regards to Mr. Rong going missing this time, we found out very late. After we found out that he is missing, we immediately turned on the tracker on his body. Because he was taken into the mountains, the signal was obstructed, so we took a little longer than expected.” He concludes saying: “Of course it is our responsibility as a security company, we won’t deny it. We will be responsible for all of Mr. Rong’s expenses.”

Right now, it’s not the problem of expenses. I look at the light above the operating room door. I just want him to be safe, I just want him to be able to open his eyes. Even if I have to give up the entire Huang enterprise, what of it? I wait by the operating room through the night, unable to stop myself for imagining all sorts of outcomes. If YuJiang really dies, what will I do? What if the time of death between the two of us is too long, we will be reincarnated at different times, doesn’t that mean we won’t see each other again? For my next life, let me be reincarnated as a woman, that way, we will be able to stay together without standing out. But then, as long as he loves me, why would care if I am a man or a woman.

I then start to pray to the surgeon operating on YuJiang, if YuJiang were to die, please do not push YuJiang’s corpse out of the room. Just let me stay here outside the operating room and keep hoping my whole life. I would rather be deceived, than to despair. Just like this, my thoughts turning over and over, until finally the door of the operating room opens. I stand up in a panic, wanting to go over, only to discover that both my legs have lost their strength. I struggle to remain upright, craning my neck, the face of the person being pushed out of the room on the hospital bed is definitely not covered by a white cloth, immediately giving me some relief.

I slowly walk over, using my little finger to stroke YuJiang’s face. It’s warm. YuJiang is still alive! I almost fainted with happiness, immediately feeling my spirits rise, before finally regaining the bearings of a normal person, turning around to catch hold of the doctor, asking:

“Doctor, how is his condition?” I can’t tell if it’s good or bad from the doctor’s expression, he slowly says:

“For now, the patient is stable ……. ” Before I could hear him out, darkness suddenly falls over my eyes. Looks like I really fainted from happiness.

When I regain consciousness, I’m also lying on a hospital bed. Dad and mom are both with me, looking at me with concern.

“YuJiang? How is YuJiang?” The first thing I ask is about YuJiang. Dad says:

“YuJiang’s condition is very stable, but you, your body has always been weak, and breathing in all that gas …….. ” I throw off the blanket, wanting to jump off the bed. Mom quickly asks:

“ShengSheng, what do you want? I’ll get it for you.”

“I want to see YuJiang.”

“You yourself are in such a condition, rest a few days before going to see him. He has people taking care of him, you don’t have to worry.” Seeing them preventing me from going to see YuJiang, I suddenly get an ominous feeling. Right away my face pales, even my voice starts to quiver:

“What happened to YuJiang? Don’t lie to me, what happened to YuJiang? What exactly happened to him? Dad and mom are frightened by the graveness of my voice. Dad shakes his head saying:

“Just take him over there, if he doesn’t see YuJiang, he will only be having crazy thoughts, hopelessly incapacitated.”

“Do you have to talk about your own son like this?” Mom scolds dad but still helps me out of the room. Only after I see YuJiang lying on the hospital bed, do I calm down, realizing how extremely paranoid I’ve become.

“YuJiang …….. ” I sit at his bedside, calling him softly. This really is the first time, it’s now my turn to sit by his bedside and watch his sleeping face.

“You must absolutely not die.” I say earnestly: “As long as you don’t die, I will always love you, always be by your side.” I say these words over and over, praying that he will hear them. But YuJiang doesn’t wake. I really feel like shaking him awake. Mom tries everything to get me to return to my own hospital room, using both pleas and threats. After I understand that YuJiang is definitely not dead, I start to calm down, and listen obediently to mom’s instructions.

As I’m lying on the bed, I faintly hear people speaking.

“Mr. Rong has woken up, he asks to see Mr. Huang immediately.”

“But, ShengSheng has only just gone to sleep …….. ” I force my eyes open and say loudly:

“I’ll go!” I actually turned over and jumped down brightly from the bed. Excited to no end. Entering YuJiang’s hospital room, I see that that familiar pair of eyes are now open. Looking fixedly at me. Although I’m mentally prepared, my shoulders start to shake, almost wanting to wail loudly. YuJiang looks at me and says softly:

“It’s good that you’re not dead.” He is still frail after the surgery, after saying this sentence, he slowly closes his eyes, seeming incredibly relieved. I sit quietly at his side, watching him foolishly, not willing to leave him again not even for half a step. After a long while, he wakes up again, opening his eyes and saying to me:

“I won’t die.”

“I know.”

“But you have to love me and stay and by my side for the rest of our lives.”

“I know.” Far more than one lifetime, it should be at least three lifetimes. Just like this our injuries, no matter if they are physical or emotional, we gradually recovered completely. YuJiang’s body healed very quickly. Even I suspect that heaven favors him. After he was no longer bedridden for a week, we quietly left the hospital without alerting the media, flying to HongKong together.

We stay side by side through the month of March, returning to the tenderness we once enjoyed. Everything feels like a spring dream. And when we wake, everything is still full of sunshine. With regards to YuJiang’s actions, I am actually very touched. If someone is willing to give up his life for you, what else can you ask for? Furthermore, it was not just only one person that was willing to give up their lives for me, it’s just that only one is still alive. Moreover, the one that is still alive is the one you love the most all your life.

At the end of March, the police headquarters notified us that the Malaysian police have arrested YuTing. How desperate he must have looked when he was finally arrested, I don’t want to imagine. I really don’t want to spoil this happy time thinking those thoughts. The verdict was reached very quickly. He received the death penalty. What he was convicted of, was not just my kidnapping, but included other things, that I can’t be bothered with. All this is within my expectations.

What I didn’t expect is that YuTing actually asked to see me before he was put to death. How ridiculous, why would we need to see each other? When I received the request from the police headquarters, my initial reaction was to refuse. The person passing on the request on the phone hears my decision and says simply:

“Since Mr. Huang is not willing, we will also not insist.” He accepted my decision so readily, leaving me a little surprised. Thinking it over carefully, things have already come to this, the last request from someone that is about to be put to death, treated as something of no importance, is actually a little cold-hearted. Me and YuTing, we have already spent more than enough time with each other. The person conveying the request could be a little more understanding, and try a little harder to fulfill his request. Or maybe it’s because of my recent good mood, making me especially soft-hearted. Such that when I hear such an uncaring reply, I say after getting over my surprise:

“Please hold on a second ………. ” I think it over and ask: “Approximately how long would the visit be?”

“At most it would be an hour, but of course, if Mr. Huang has any misgivings, you have every right to leave at any time.”

“Fine, I’ll go.” The same day, I book my flight to Malaysia. YuJiang’s injuries have already healed for the most part, hearing my decision, he says:

“I’ll go with you, in case you start to feel afraid.”

“What is there to fear?”

“YuTing is fearsome, Malaysia is also a fearsome place.” I see his point, nodding:

“Then we should quickly book another ticket.” YuJiang gives me a kiss, saying laughingly:

“You don’t need to worry.” After I recover my senses, I realize he had already done so a while ago. This person’s all encompassing net, is truly never absent. We reach Malaysia the next day together. Thinking of the last time I came to Malaysia with ShuTing, setting off all sorts of calamities, I’m filled with regret. YuJiang drives me to the place where I am to meet YuTing, dropping me off.

“I’ll wait for you here. He asked to see you, not me.” I don’t know why but I’m a little scared, looking at YuJiang separated from me by the car window, not moving for a few seconds. YuJiang sighs and rolls down the window, and pats me saying: “Don’t be afraid, I will be waiting right here for you.” I nod, finally going in by myself.

The prison guard that had been notified was waiting for me, once he sees me, he arranges the meeting. In reality, even though He enterprise has gone up in smoke, remnants of its power still remains. The YuTing that is in front of me is not as desperate as I had imagined, it’s just that he has accepted his impending death, but still neatly clothed and healthy. One look and you can tell that someone is looking after him in prison. I face YuTing, separated by a table. The room is deserted, with no guards in sight, I don’t know if this is the special treatment given to death row inmates, or special treatment for the son-in-law of He enterprise.

“ShengSheng, I didn’t think you would come.” YuTing looks at me, extremely composed.

“I myself didn’t think I would. YuTing, everything ends when one dies, I hope you will be able to get a little peace of mind.” Those are words of truth. Thinking of someone going to their death with a complicated heart, just does not seem right.

“That’s right, everything ends when one dies. Ever since the day YuJiang existed, I have been doomed to see this day. You are no exception.” I sigh:

“Even now, you want to drive a wedge between us.”

“Tsk tsk, ShengSheng, you are so naive.” YuTing shakes his head: “YuJiang, this person, anything that falls within his sights, will never escape his grasp. That goes for me, you, even ShuTing, He enterprise and Rong enterprise.” I listen to his long list, and realize that he has a lot to say, nodding:

“You can say whatever you want, but please remember, true are the words of a dying man.”

“Fine, I’m just afraid that you won’t listen.” YuTing looks at me intently as if wanting to carve each and every one of his words into my mind: “First, let’s consider Rong enterprise, how he got to power, you yourself are well aware.”

“Indeed, there is no need for you to elaborate.”

“Now for Huang enterprise, he took it over, then handed it over to you, and after turning round and round, in the end who exactly is in charge of Huang enterprise?”

“I’m in charge of Huang enterprise.”

“Ha ha, ShengSheng, I don’t know how you managed to obtain half the construction rights for Mainland China. But, based on YuJiang’s character, unless he let you, you would never have been able to snatch even a little bit from his hands.” I just nod:

“Fine, let’s just say he let me. But Huang enterprise has been mine all along.”

“It’s only YuJiang presenting you with a toy, letting you proudly hold a water pistol, fully content in your heart and mind that you are of the same standing as him.” YuJiang continues: “Of course, this is better than him not giving you any toys.” Listening to YuTing’s words, I can’t say that I don’t feel uncomfortable. “Now we’ve come to He enterprise, YuJiang have long since spied on He enterprise, saying he wants to help you take revenge, at the very end, He enterprise did not end up falling by his hand. And then there’s ShuTing, even if I didn’t kill him, do you really think he would survive? Let me tell you, the one that YuJiang hates the most, is ShuTing, he was willing to let me go that year, but he would never let go of ShuTing. If ShuTing did not die, YuJiang will definitely find a way to finish him off.”

I try my best to stay calm, straight as a ramrod on the chair. I say softly:

“YuTing, even if YuJiang hates ShuTing, it’s because he loves me. This one point, there is no way you can deny.”

“You’re right, ShengSheng, YuJiang really loves you.” YuTing lowers his eyes, and uses the same soft voice to answer me: “What YuJiang did to save you, I had the pleasure of reading about it in the papers. But after I was arrested, and calmed down, I only realize ………. someone like YuJiang, would he have been that easily captured by me? Those men that came bursting through the door, also came just in time, arriving just at the most critical moment. This kind of love, don’t tell me you are not even a little afraid?”

I feel as if I have fallen through ice. I feel as if my mind has received a fierce blow. Just like a crack in the spider web, from inside out, spreading outwards. Only stopping just below the outermost layer, not showing any outward signs. This kind of love, don’t tell me you are not even a little afraid? A thousand hundred thoughts swirl through my mind. But, I love YuJiang, not even a thousand twists and a hundred turns, will untie this unyielding knot. There is really no escape, our hearts are now joined. I can’t not forgive him for everything, just like he can’t not love the countless scars on my mind and body. I take a deep breath and say slowly:

“At least, his blood is real, his injuries are real.”

“Ha ha, ha ha ……… ” YuTing laughs with his eyes closed, shoulders shaking. He says: “ShengSheng, you and him are really made perfectly for each other, in heaven and on earth, there are no others as well matched as the both of you.” I say coldly:

“Thank you for the compliment.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll admit that I fail to poke holes in the love you have for each other that is as high as the heavens, as deep as the oceans.” YuTing puts away his smiling face and waves his hands at me. I let out a sigh. This final encounter, is not only a battle of wills between YuTing and me, it’s becoming more like a test of the love between YuJiang and me. I didn’t expect YuTing to use his last wish to keep at this struggle. To what end? I stand up, feeling a little disappointed. From the start, I never should have hoped that someone faced with death would turn over a new leaf.

“Are you leaving?” YuTing raises his head.

“You still have something to say?”

“ShengSheng, the words I say today, not one of them is a lie.”

“I know.” I nod. But not one of his words, is without harmful intentions. YuTing asks:

“There is one final thing, would you like to hear it?” Standing up looking down at him, I faintly feel a sense of pity. I get to leave, but he, he has to stay and await his death. What reason do I have to not let him have his last words?

“Go on, I’ll listen.”

“That night, I did not cut your face.” He looks at me coldly: “The one that disfigured you, is definitely not me.” Then who could it be? Who else could it be? I am unable to take another breath, falling immediately onto the chair. The sky turns, the earth spins, my eyes are filled with stars. As if fireworks are exploding in front of my eyes, one after another, it’s just that there is no sound. That night ………. I felt a sharp pain when I was in a stupor, and when I woke up, I saw YuJiang’s smiling face. He kissed my cuts tenderly, as if he didn’t mind them. He once yelled at me: How much effort do I have to make, before all your former lovers stop trying to approach you! He hates everyone that gets close to me, that’s why he hates ShuTing. I sprawl over the table before finally raising my head to look at YuTing.

“You don’t believe me?” I reply hoarsely:

“I believe you.” These three words are like knives. I am assaulted by my own words, blood cascading out from my heart. I prop myself up, asking: “But, why did you wait until today to tell me this?” YuTing replies:

“I didn’t have the chance, and even if I did have to chance to tell you, you may not have believed me. Even if you did believe me, there was nothing in it for me.” I can’t deny that I hate this person in front of me. I know that I have fallen into the trap set by this doomed person. YuTing stands up, knowing that he has achieved his goal, and presses the buzzer. The guard appears immediately. “This is goodbye, ShengSheng. I will soon be free of this nightmare caused by YuJiang, what about you?” He walks away without a care. Even if he is putting on a show, he still manages to seem carefree in front of me one last time.

I never knew that someone could be so malicious. The guard looks at me strangely. In his eyes, my expression is probably much worse than that of YuTing who would soon be put to death. I ask:

“Can you let me stay a little longer?” He nods and even considerately leaves the room, letting me have peace and quiet in the meeting room. I can’t help replaying everything in my mind. Indeed, it’s not that hard to put the pieces together. YuJiang, he still has complete control over me. He was always accurate, and he never left anything out. He has an infallible network of spies, and finesse that’s heaven sent, unmatched in his schemes. If the winner is not him, wouldn’t it be unfair? What is there for me to say?

Time flies by. This peace and quiet gives me the strength to think everything over. What I’m left with is not at all glorious, especially when it comes to the yesterday between me and YuJiang. Life is like that, when you experience it, it seems one way, but when you look back on it, it was actually something else altogether. Traps were arranged in every direction, poised to be triggered by a single step, endless traction with one touch, never to be free.

I think about the scar on my forehead, and think about the scar on YuJiang’s forehead, and think of how he has always refused to even consider plastic surgery. I think of him exclaiming while holding the crying me in his arms: How can I heal the wounds? I beg you to teach me, ShengSheng. I go through all that have passed, among them sour, sweet, bitter, hot, tasting one after another. In this place, I will decide how to proceed. How ironic, it turns out that I’m fated to spend time in the prison in Malaysia, it’s becoming the best place for me to straighten out my life. Have you heard of the sudden enlightenment of the Sixth Patriarch? Looks like that really does exist in this world. How lucky is HuangSheng, to experience this a little.

When I emerge from the prison, the sun has already set behind the West mountain. To me, it’s as if a lifetime has passed. YuJiang is leaning on the front of the car, he has been waiting for me outside all this time. Seeing me come out, he slowly straightens himself, not the least bit impatient.

“Done with your meeting with YuTing?” I nod. YuJiang asks:

“How do you feel?”

“How do you think I feel? YuJiang, you already knew that YuTing would reveal the truth to me, why didn’t you stop it? It would have been easy for you.”

“I don’t want to deceive you any longer.” I raise my head abruptly, and stare at him quietly. My facial expression changes like day and night one after another, without end, shrouded in mystery. Heavy thoughts roll through my heart, but can I give up something that was achieved after a thousand bitterness, ten thousand hardships? Finally, I open my mouth and say:

“YuJiang, let us go pay our respects at ShuTing’s grave, how about it?” ShuTing’s body was returned to the cemetery of the He family for burial, although it’s not far, but by the time we arrive, the sky is already completely dark. The cemetery is deserted, apart from the cold chilling air. We stand silently in front of ShuTing’s grave for a long time. I suddenly ask: “YuJiang, do you love me more, or did ShuTing love me more?” YuJiang doesn’t make a sound, no one has ever been able to force him to answer what he doesn’t want to answer. I ask: “YuJiang, the trust between us has been smashed and shattered, what about the love?” He stares at me intently and with a sudden long sigh, he folds me into his arms.

“In the time it takes to snap one’s fingers, we can distinguish sixty moments, an in that moment, time is eternal, ShengSheng, if life is only made out of these eternal moments, how good would that be.” I raise my head to look at him, not knowing when he turned so sentimental. I know that his heart has always been tangled and complicated, impossible to truly understand. I know his savage instincts, to do whatever it takes to keep the person he loves by his side. In order to make me stay, he doesn’t hesitate to hurt me, he also doesn’t hesitate to hurt himself. Until we are both completely covered with scars, extremely worn out.

As for YuJiang’s character, he is capable of driving me to such a condition, what else is there to say? So many schemes, so many lies, so many frightening moments, just for one word of love. Right here and now, I am suddenly enlightened. Those who have true love, have struggled to achieve a heart of stone, bronzed skin and bones of steel, just so their heart would be able to summon the courage to accept the realities of love. The ugly side of love, only those who have gone through it can face it, only then can they let go of their ideals and embrace the imperfections of love. This very moment, I have become Buddha on the spot, achieving what I have struggled for, my mind is sufficiently at peace such that I able to accept all that YuJiang has done in the past, and all that he will do in the future.

“Indeed, this moment is eternal, why should we still think of yesterday?” I close my eyes and say softly: “YuJiang, right now is our eternity.” After that, I feel a warm drop falling behind my ear. No matter what, I believe, that this teardrop, it is the real thing. This teardrop is the real thing —— for this whole lifetime, I won’t doubt it. Have you heard of the lighthouse? In the middle of the vast raging seas, as long as there is a faint light, one would know where one is headed. This teardrop, is my lighthouse. This is YuJiang’s one true heart. Now that I have it, why would I need to keep asking for it? Yesterday has already vanished into nothingness. YuJiang, tonight, please enter my dreams.

THE END

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I don’t speak Chinese. Corrections welcomed.

There are two extras to this story.

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Chapter intro

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Relying on my outstanding looks and celebrated family’s social standing, I engage in intriguing battles in the financial markets. Carefree and mischievously, stirred up

some trouble

. Rong family’s guileless and sincere eldest son, Rong YuJiang ignited in me noble aspirations like never before. I do all I can, using all my wiles, throwing myself behind him in the Rong family struggle for inheritance. Was it my compassion for the weak? Was it my delight in an amusing situation? Or was it due to another reason for which I am unwilling to admit, that I have already fallen in love with him ……

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Chapter special chapter

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Yesterday by Feng Nong.

Chinese New Year’s Eve, I’m dressed up nicely and neatly, receiving red packets from my parents. When I turn around, some distant aunt whose name I can’t remember asks:

“ShengSheng, when will it be your turn to give out red packets?” This abrupt question cuts at my heart. A joyous family reunion for the spring festival, ruined by a tactless woman. I sulk in my room for some time, before thinking, why should I get angry over such an uncivilized woman? It’s just that it’s New Year’s Eve. It’s just that YuJiang is not by my side. It’s hard to break free from the stickiness of my longing for him. I stare intently at the hefty red packets, until the redness start to hurt my eyes, only to admit just how much I miss him. If I have to long for him, it’d be better if I make him long for me too, my heart feels resentful, I make the long distance call, directly to the President of Rong enterprise. YuJiang answers and says smoothly:

“One day of separation, feels as long as three autumns, which autumn would today be?” My gloominess turns into laughter as I ask: “Whichever one it is, let’s just say you’re right. Come to think of it, let me give you a little test. Last night I had a strange dream, can you guess what it was about?” The phone goes silent for a while before I hear a chuckle from the other end.

“ShengSheng, when people have something they wish to say but dare not, they will use a dream as an excuse. What you want me to guess, is it your dream, or is it what’s in your heart?”

“Who says I have such intentions?” I let out a *hmph* before hanging up the phone. I lean by the window, watching the bright moon rising. The phone starts to ring, ringing endlessly, shaking the room with it buzzing, making one unable to ignore it. YuJiang says:

“Are you watching fireworks?”

“Fireworks from where?” I’m resentful. This is not China, New Years for the French is the first day of the new calendar, why would they celebrate Chinese New Year’s Eve? He continues on saying:

“It’s very festive here outside my window, burst after burst of fireworks coming together, simply beautiful.” I was just about to give him a cold *hmph* when he says softly: “ShengSheng, if you were here, I would be able to see your joyful expression.” Such intimate tender words, causes that cold *hmph* to get stuck in my throat, unable to go up or down. I can only laugh bitterly:

“Thank you for your kindness.”

“Courtesy demands reciprocity,” He actually demands repayment immediately: “answer me this question truthfully.” He asks: “Are you thinking of me?”

“No.”

“Do you want me to go over?” I’m surprised:

“Go where?”

“Where else?” My heart feels a little touched. I cast aside the phone and run to the door, pulling it open. Outside the door, it’s as empty as ever, it’s as if a bucket of cold water was poured over my head. I pick up the phone again:

“Where are you watching the fireworks?”

“By the window.” Suddenly I hear a shrill whistling sound behind me, I quickly turn around, to see a firecracker soaring through the sky, *boom*, bursting into ten thousands and thousands of green flames. The explosions come one after another, without any breaks. Right this second, the sky is full of beautiful purples and brilliant reds, contending with each other, coming together colorfully, scaring away the bright moon and all the stars, seeming to take over the whole night sky.

“It’s really beautiful.” I hear a sigh behind me. Surprised, I turn around quickly. YuJiang smiles, turning me back around by the shoulder, to watch the fireworks together. Blooming fireworks, falling fireworks, moments of brilliance, seem to continue on, as if eternally.

“When did you arrive?”

“A few hours ago.”

“Were you preparing the fireworks?”

“The fireworks were ready a long time ago, just awaiting my command.” He turns to look at me, saying smilingly: “I was in the main hall downstairs handing out red packets, giving out so many, stunning a few women so much they turned pale, regretting a 100% that they have chosen the wrong husband.” I smile slightly at him:

“Your spies are really formidable, 365 days a year, no matter if it’s big or small, reporting everything.” He doesn’t answer, but raises his hands to hold mine in his. The whole sky is breathtaking, blooming and vanishing, touching my soul, with trails of smoke. In the end, I’m just not like him, unable to stay silent, I ask him: “YuJiang, you’re doing too much for me.”

“I want to.”

“But really, you don’t have to put in so much thought into making right the past.” He turns around quickly and stares at me. I’m startled, it has been a long time since I’ve seen him like this, I have almost forgotten that his eyes can be so piercing. He is no longer smiling, looking at me intently, stressing each word:

“ShengSheng, what do I still owe you?” I take a step back, unable to avoid his eyes that are following me like a shadow, piercing through to my marrow. “I treat you with love, with heart.” He smiles bitterly: “Not atonement, only because I want to.”

“YuJiang …….. ”

“Don’t apologize.” He stops me. My heart, my thoughts, he has never failed to figure them out. With nothing left to say, I sit on the bed, watching the fireworks light up the sky colorfully, the fireworks burst into magnificent flowers, bloom after bloom, fleeting brilliance, the result breathtaking. That New Year’s Eve night, YuJiang conveyed a lot of words to me. I remember him sitting next to me, watching the fireworks outdo each other beautifully.

“Do you know, trying to guess what’s in someone’s heart, is very very tiring.”

“Loving someone, is also very very tiring.”

“But to not guess and not love, is even even more tiring.” He sits by my side, his spine as straight as a javelin, his broad shoulders making one feel safe. I stare at him, he stares at the fireworks outside the window. I know that he is very very tired. Again, I can’t bear it, saying:

“YuJiang, you’re tired.” I move slightly: “Lean on my shoulder, and rest a while.” Hearing these words, his eyes glisten and he looks away. Instead he shakes his head.

“No, I don’t need it now.” He gives me a simple smile, his face like tender jade: “But if one day, ShengSheng, if I’m really really tired, please use your shoulder to support me.” That New Year’s Eve day, we watch the fireworks together. The fireworks are never ending, blooming and dispersing, dispersing and blooming. Such that the five brilliant colors, fill our eyes, fill our hearts. I lean on YuJiang’s shoulder, feeling especially warm.

I know he is tired. But it doesn’t matter. His tiredness, also belongs to me. Just like, his love, also belongs to me. His tiredness belongs to me. His schemes belong to me. His all encompassing traps belong to me. His plots and craftiness, belong to me. Everything belongs to me. He belongs to me.

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I don’t speak Chinese. Corrections welcomed.

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Yesterday by Feng Nong.

The new president’s office that I just moved into, is about the same size as the previous one, however the style is completely different. I got rid of the european style desk, choosing one with curves in the classical style of the Ming and Qing dynasties, with the faint fragrance of rosewood, entering the nose, making one feel good. I finish signing the small neat pile of documents on the desk, put down the pen, and lean back.

I breathe in deeply the cool air that carries the fragrance of rosewood, while looking at the chinese fan painting that hangs on the wall. It is an antique that is from three to four hundred years ago. Marigold, calligraphy, it was nothing much to look at at first, but after looking at it a few more times, it becomes more pleasing the more you look at it. HongBing that little girl, her taste is getting better and better. I have an amusing thought, should the day come when she no longer wants to be a secretary, she could be a master of interior design.

“Boss.” Speak of CaoCao, and CaoCao arrives, just when I was thinking of her, I hear her voice. HongBing pushes the door open and comes in, she comes in as she always does, full of life, smiling “Good news.”

“You’re having a second child?”

“Of course not.” she pulls a face, “This matter of giving birth, once is enough, it’s laborious and topped with suffering, how could that be good news?” She says excitedly: “Huge success, Singapore’s Fantasy Star City accepted our bid.”

“En.”

“Boss. Is that all you have to say, ‘en’?” My response was probably lacking in enthusiasm, she looks at me, almost filled with indignation, her small fists clenched, baring fangs and brandishing claws, “The significance of this bid is huge.”

“What huge significance?”

“Of course it is,” HongBing points out the significance, “Rong enterprise also went all out for this project, but the one that got the contract, is us Huang enterprise.” I laugh in spite of myself. This young lady, I don’t know where she gets this will to fight, always clamoring to have a showdown with Rong enterprise. “Boss, you’re not taking this seriously.” She rubs her fists and wipe her palms, “This calls for a big celebration, we can’t treat it as nothing, I’ll go plan a victory party.”

I can only smile wryly at her petite and neat back. I really don’t understand the people around me, each one seemingly fierce and astute, each one better than the other. No need to consider YuJiang, that one was born like that. This young lady, when she first entered the company, she was like a lovable and cute little swan, after only a few years, shaking heaven and earth transforming into Wu ZeTian reincarnated, words once spoken, four horses can’t take back, such that me, this president wouldn’t be able to chase her down even if I ran until I broke my leg.

That night, of course after dressing appropriately under her supervision, she escorts me to attend the celebration. I have to say that while her queenlike behavior increases day by day, HongBing’s performance at work also improves correspondingly, I also don’t know how many pairs of jade hands she has, arranging in one day what one would say is a perfect small cocktail party.

“The mermaid ice sculpture displayed on the long table, is one that I custom ordered, urging the master to complete it quickly, does it look good?”

“Good!” No matter what she asks, it’s best that I just nod. If not, for the next half month, there won’t be even one good day. If it’s not being scared to death by a mountain of files, then it would be tired to death by a completely stuffed itinerary.

“President, congratulations.”

“This Singapore bid, will take our outstanding performance this year to the next level.”

“Tonight, we should raise a glass properly, and celebrate.” Throughout the whole reception, the clear and melodious clinking of glasses ring out over and over. The color of fine wine fill up the crystal glasses, with each small sip, the sound of clinking glasses gets more and more pleasing. My cheeks start to heat up, I’m starting to feel just a little tipsy.

“ShengSheng.” I turn around, and smile, placing a glass of red wine into his hand,

“Come, ZhenHong, cheers.” ZhenHong is an old classmate from my schooldays, also from a business family, he went to New Zealand to expand his business, only returning last month, calling me up a few times. He kept saying that the friends he has in France are becoming less and less, wanting to meet up with me to reminisce over the old days. We made several verbal appointments, but I had to cancel because of other engagements. I didn’t expect HongBing to be so attentive, putting him on the guest list. Meeting an old friend, it gives a good feeling. “The sun in New Zealand is so brutal? You’re tanned.”

“Am I? Does it look bad?” ZhouHeng looks me up and down, “You are still as beautifully fair as ever.” Not only is his skin dark, his eyes are also jet-black, shining like stars. I must be drunk, I suddenly thought I saw YuJiang’s face, but after shaking myself, I see that it’s not him.

“I’ve drunk too much.” I support my forehead with my hand.

“Do you want to go home?” I want to shake my head. But when I raise my eyes, he had already taken out his car keys. Such a quick response. “Do you trust me?” He swings the keys hanging on his fingertip, causing the keys to tinkle, asking me laughingly. I find it funny. It’s not a question of trust but a question of fear. Just like the old HuangSheng amusing himself with the temptations of the world, he is still like an embarrassed school kid, secretly in love with a beautiful woman. What’s there to be afraid of?

“If you please, if you please.” I nod my head. Inconveniencing him one trip, is better than getting in HongBing’s imperial chariot. While Her Highness the Empress Dowager drives, she would make me feel the familiar sense of guilt and I would again vow to never again touch one drop of alcohol at cocktail parties. How exasperating, the reception is clearly her idea. I notify HongBing who is busy taking care of the guests, and follow unsteadily behind ZhenHong, pushing the door and leaving the room. He says:

“I’ll go get the car, be back in no time.” Nodding, I stand by the door smiling. It’s not even a moment before a limousine drives up, slowly coming to a stop at the foot of the stairs. I look at it a little stunned. I thought he said a sports car. I walk down the stairs, moving towards the rear door, pulling it open, I’m again stunned.

“Just as I expected.” I slowly shake my slightly heavy head. I had guessed he would show up, I just didn’t think it would be so soon. That’s right, it’s YuJiang, it could only be YuJiang. If there is someone on this earth who goes overboard for love, even if we were to consider three thousand worlds, that person, would definitely be Rong YuJiang. YuJiang lets me get into the car. The leather seat is spacious and comfortable, once I take a seat, the drunkenness turns into sleepiness.

“ShengSheng, you drank again.” My eyes closed, I hear a helpless sigh.

“We’re celebrating, the Singapore project, HongBing said it is a rare win over Rong enterprise.” My lips are covered, warm and moist, leaving me utterly satisfied.

“En, rare win over Rong enterprise justifies such a grand banquet?” YuJiang asks laughingly.

“Speaking of that, did you secretly help us out?” I lazily open one eye.

“Why do you not have faith in your own strength?”

“Replying with a question instead of an answer, only means you’re guilty.” Understanding that, I close my eyes again, turning my back to him. “If you want to win, then win, why mix business with personal affairs.” He turns me back around to face him.

“It’s not mixing business with personal affairs, it’s weighing my choices, Rong enterprise will be focusing on New Zealand for the next six months, so we decided to let Singapore go for now.”

“New Zealand?” I ask this question. ZhenHong just went over there in preparation for his expansion. There is no way this is a coincidence.

“That’s right, why, are you also interested in New Zealand?” He looks me up and down, eyes shining brightly. What the hell. No matter how I look at him, he still has on a completely composed face. Clearly the barrel of vinegar is about to explode, yet he still appears like cloudless skies and light breeze, smiling slightly not revealing the impending explosion. I hold my breath,

“YuJiang, do you have to be like this?” He actually had the nerve to play dumb,

“What do you mean?”

“Rong enterprise is so mighty, it should be generous. ZhenHong and I are only old schoolmates. You can’t wipe out all the old schoolmates and old friends by my side.”

“Which one is ZhenHong?” He asks amiably. I sneer. How come this conversation is turning more and more into an inquisition? I reply simply,

“It’s the one you just saw, the man that came out together with me.” He continues on laughing amiably,

“ShengSheng, what are you talking about? Meeting up with an old schoolmate at a party, talking about the old days, all everyday things, when did I ever say otherwise.” Looking at him smiling without a care, I know that his jealousy is already as enormous as the Atlantic ocean. Can there really be such a capable and yet petty man on earth?

“I only met with him once today.”

“O? So cold towards an old schoolmate? Not even a phone call?” It’s really like trying to pry open my heart, I’m struggling so much that even my drunkenness disappeared.

“At most, it was only a few calls.”

“Only phone calls? No plans to meet up?”

“There was, but I had to cancel because of other engagements, he doesn’t mean anything special to me.” He looks at me intently, his tender expression carries a hint of how he is carefully evaluating my response, after a while, the corners of his mouth curves upwards, saying tenderly:

“ShengSheng, you don’t have to explain anything to me.” I let out a huge sigh, really full or admiration for him. Such a huge barrel of vinegar, and he manages to not spill even a single drop. I can only resort to the method for confronting barrels of vinegar, letting them spill away. Without a word, I release his safety belt.

“What are you doing?” He asks knowing full well what I’m doing.

“Physical examination.” My teeth itches. His smile widens immediately, reaching over to push me down. It’s his turn to help me out of my safety belt. Asking carelessly while releasing the latch:

“How many old friends and relatives do you still have?”

“There’s none left, other than the one that died of natural causes, the rest have been successfully eliminated by you. From now on, there nothing left for you to worry about, you can be at ease.

“How can I, there are too many men in this world, even women cannot be trusted.” Heavens. Why do men of high intellect, often turn so childish when jealous? I ask:

“YuJiang, do you know that this type and day and night vigilance, will lead to nervous tension.” YuJiang actually had the nerve to say:

“I’m used to it, if I don’t see you, I will be even more nervous.” He has already taken off all my clothes, taking advantage of my speechlessness, he slowly enters as if declaring ownership. I stifle a cry, gripping his shoulder tensely. Luckily the glass partition is raised, so my voice won’t reach the ear of the third person. A whole two weeks not seeing each other, the desire, once ignited is impossible to repress.

Lingering sweetness permeates the compartment of the limo, from the reception to the villa that I’m now living in, it’s still not enough. YuJiang wraps me up in my clothes, carrying me to the second floor. I protest weakly from inside his arms,

“Are you going to punish me?” He laughs asking:

“You didn’t do anything wrong, so why would I punish you?” He kicks open the bedroom door, places me in the middle of the large bed, and tenderly pushes me down firmly.

“En ………. YuJiang.”

“ShengSheng, I love the way you call my name.” He covers me from head to toe, not leaving even an inch uncovered. The heat is endless. “Why is it, that you’re always making me worried?” His actions, and words both fills me with great force. Making one unable to ignore, every single word he says, every look he makes. “Why is it, that you make me so anxious?” I let out soft cries, smiling complicatedly under his chest.

Who. Who makes who so anxious? How can it be HuangSheng, HuangSheng is always here, if not in the office, then in this villa, when occasionally attending parties, will be dragged into the car for an inquisition. I’m not the one, whose whereabouts for the day are not clear. I’m not the one, like a magical dragon, head is visible, but not the tail. So ultimately who is it that makes who so worried?

“En …….. ” I’m criticizing inwardly while moaning, my neck pushed in deeply, looking at the ceiling that I stare at every time I have trouble sleeping. More, more. Two weeks of pent up lust and desire, tinged with jealously and I’m still not afraid. More. Letting it all pour into me from YuJiang. HuangSheng is not afraid of anything.

It’s only after a few days, that I return lightheadedly to the office for the first time. HongBing is already accustomed to my frequent absences every one to two weeks, once she sees I’m back, she will first reward me with a huge pile of accumulated files, then she would list the calls I missed when I was away, saying:

“Mr. Chen ZhenHong has been calling continuously, saying you pulled a disappearing stunt on your old schoolmate, making him heartbroken.” I huff coldly,

“If he’s heartbroken then my body must be broken.”

“Then do you still want to make arrangements for dinner with him?”

I let out a soft sigh. What is there to arrange? YuJiang had already rushed back with murderous intent from the other side of the world. The tenderness that comes from someone so prone to jealousy comes with its consequences. I have become used to it. But, since we’re talking about that, there’s always two sides to the story. If you fall in love with a very very busy man, how would you get him to your side at any time? Make a long distance phone call and say I miss you, is the clumsiest move. The simplest move, nothing can beat calling up a few old friends, say one or two ambiguous words, and add an unexpected encounter on top of that, that would be more than enough. Against this exceedingly shrewd man, it is very effective. I have used this little trick —— more than a few times.

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