Can Ci Pin - - - Chapter 152

Chapter 152 – Can I Kiss You?

Lu Bixing stared at him dumbly and managed to fall into a daze within these mere seconds of time.

Lin Jingheng’s enraged attitude was both familiar and foreign to him.

It was familiar because he had seen various angry and frustrated faces from the man in his album earlier that night.

Lin Jingheng’s attitude changed like a kaleidoscope when he faced his enemies and adjusted based on the character he was playing; for strangers, he would emanate the stereotypical ‘Woltorian style’ unsociable and aloof air to emphasize that he wasn’t easy to get along with. In contrast, his attitude towards normal acquaintances was considered ‘kind’; because he was used to being reserved and not expressing his emotions, he would simply seem to be quiet and calm. When facing his own comrades, he would be much more open, showing his almost antagonistic true self. Lu Bixing once counted that there were 289 little videos inside Zhanlu’s 3D album that were mostly interviews or patrolling journals. Among them, he interacted with the recorder in 56 of these videos and seemed to have a close relationship with the person behind the camera; all of the videos of him above the age of 12 gave the same unimpressed expression on the young man’s face with no exceptions.

Yet what was foreign was that Lin Jingheng had almost never once given him that same kind of attitude over the last few months. He hadn’t spoken in such a vulgar manner in a while, and even those daily insults and scoldings which had seemed to always be loaded like a machine gun at the tip of his tongue were kept in check, curses like that were almost non-existent—it was as if Lin Jingshu’s galactic prison was actually a disciplinary camp that managed to pluck all the uncivilized language out of the man. If Lu Bixing could mash up Lin Jingheng together into a ball and squeeze it hard enough with his hands, he could maybe pull out an ounce of patience from this man–which was every last bit of patience he had left that he gave to Lu Bixing.

“What’s going to happen to the Eighth Galaxy, should the Silver Ten stay or leave…these are all topics of discussion for this morning’s meeting, I don’t want to use up my private time to discuss them with you beforehand.” Lin Jingheng said, “I only want to ask, what kind of trouble and pain did you face in your heart that made you think it was better to tell that old Hardin and not me?”

Lu Bixing ran his fingers through his hair, smoothing it back. His warm fingers touched the cold hair follicles, his racing heart from earlier finally cooling down as he asked: “Then why were you listening in like a burglar inside your own house?”

Lin Jingheng wasn’t used to being talked back to when he was angry and didn’t know how to respond for a moment.

Lu Bixing continued: “You threatened the digital butler, climbed the windows, and even used a listening device…were you this prepared back when you assassinated the Primal Alien all by yourself?”

Lin Jingheng strangely didn’t fire back at this little jab and paused a few moments before asking: “So can we skip over Hardin and the listening device now?”

Lu Bixing leaned back against some equipment he couldn’t name with no idea where to start. He looked up and stared at the ceiling to see that the color on the ceiling’s clock was changing from the light outside, hinting at sunrise. He stared at the ever-changing color of the digital clock and felt the words that were stuck in his throat roll out naturally.

“I want to take you somewhere without anyone else, without power and authority, without any obligations; I don’t want to see anyone else, it’ll just be you and me…you can finally properly learn how to brew an actual pot of tea. As for me, I don’t like doing chores at home, but thankfully I know how to construct household robots so I can build a few to do the work for me.”

“When I brought up closing off the Eighth Galaxy back then, the primary reason was for safety, but it was also because of my own selfish desires. If the Eighth Galaxy closed its doors, you would never be able to leave. I know that you all were forced by circumstance or were simply trying to appease me but still held reservations, yet nobody ever spoke up and opposed my suggestion openly…and then the Eighth Galaxy really closed up, but you all left me one by one. It wasn’t until a lot later that I finally realized that none of you were actually willing to close off the galaxy, right?”

Lin Jingheng: “Although from the development in these last years, closing off the Eighth Galaxy back then was actually a smart move…”

Lu Bixing interrupted: “Didn’t we agree to skip over the listening device and Doctor Hardin? Why are you doing this again?”

“……But emotionally, it’s difficult to ‘betray the Union.’” Lin Jingheng struggled to knock down all the barriers inside him and finally managed to find a single line of truth deep within his soul. “Prime Minister Edward was appointed by the Union, so his dreams and aspirations were on Wolto throughout his whole life. And your father…had too many painful memories, so that old cat learned to complain on the outside and keep his feelings hidden. But you should know that he was one of the first group of people in the Eighth Galaxy that bravely stood up and voluntarily chose the Union when he was young.”

“What about you?”

“I graduated from the Black Orchid Military Academy at 18,” Lin Jingheng paused momentarily and lowered his volume, “I protected the Union for 30 years.”

Lu Bixing slowly opened up his mouth and said: “That’s why whenever I remembered these things in the middle of the night over these last few years, I would think that pulling fruit off the branch before it’s ripe wouldn’t be as sweet. I want to keep you in the Eighth Galaxy, but you almost died for the Union. When my dad was guarding the entrance of the secret terminal back then, he didn’t even have time to speak to me one last time; Minister Edward died from DNA deterioration in middle age and never had the chance to see the Union with his own eyes. This was all because I stubbornly persisted in acting without regard for others, so…”

Lin Jingheng interrupted him as he listened to the young man grow more and more unsure of himself: “Right, Prime Minister Lu is so powerful and great he’s the center of the universe, maybe those black holes out there are even just your farts that got expanded infinitely.”

“……” Lu Bixing was speechless and could only give him a smile in response after a short silence. “You’ve been forcing yourself to watch your language these past few months, are you finally feeling freed from your shackles?”

His gaze fell on Lin Jingheng’s hand that was resting on the side and grabbed it instinctively to fiddle with it. Lin Jingheng glared at him coldly in repose, ready to break out of his shell when he heard Lu Bixing continue: “I understand the reasoning, Jingheng. But one day when you find that everything you had been wishing for is finally realized, only to discover that it was a giant condescending laugh back at your foolish past-self, you will finally begin to doubt yourself—Was I wrong? Was it because I was too greedy so something in the shadows had to punish me…do you not understand this feeling?”

Lin Jingheng’s mind blanked out for a moment and couldn’t respond—because he understood that feeling too well.

Back when he faked his own death and smugly thought everything was in his own hands as he waited for the right time, the space pirates had struck and took over the eight galaxies at an unimaginable speed and scale. He saw with his own two eyes how the pirates that took over crashed into the memorials on Wolto and stepped on the heroic markers of past glory as if they were dirt. The most hopeless he had been his whole life was when he received Penny’s video call at that run-down supply station and witnessed her be consumed by the missiles descending upon the planet.

Lin Jingheng had questioned more than once if this was fate’s punishment for his arrogance and almighty attitude.

During the sleepless nights in the galactic prison, aside from wanting to run away or thinking about Lu Bixing, he spent the rest of his time thinking about Lin Jingshu. He couldn’t remember anything significant because they had barely seen each other in person after they stepped into adulthood. Even until now, his impression of his little sister was still that young girl in the depths of his memories; how did she end up down this path? If he had been a little more insistent back then about refusing her marriage to the Committee and hadn’t gotten caught up in preparing a good life for her, would things have changed today? If only he was the one that was taken by the Committee back then and not Jingshu; he was supposed to be the one that was chained down by those shackles and who carried that pain. And if his sister were to be in his place, perhaps she wouldn’t ruin everything like he did up until today.

Were these all not punishments for his cocky attitude in life?

Or perhaps this was the cost he paid for breaking the promise with his sister, tossing her into the darkness as he spent his childhood days under the light of Lu Xin’s protection with no worries for the world.

“Can you tell me…” Lu Bixing stuttered a little bit as if he couldn’t decide how to address the name. Then as if rewarding Lin Jingheng’s rare opening of his heart, he chose to be honest, “About Commander Lu Xin? Would it make you feel uncomfortable if I call him that?”

Lin Jingheng had already suffered through that bit of uncomfortableness in his heart during the conversation the young man had with Doctor Hardin, so he could calmly respond this time: “……not really. I don’t think Lu Xin would mind either since he doesn’t know you.”

Lu Bixing: “Most of his data on Zhanlu was removed by you—this was something you and my dad agreed on, right? Since when did you guys decide to keep it from me?”

“When I discovered that many of Lu Xin’s ex-subordinates were filled with garbage like Ankur and Yelvich.”

“You both wanted to let me stay out of those old dramas, and were even willing to remove the spotlight in order to stop me from getting roped into this complicated mess.” Lu Bixing’s voice was content and calm as he spoke on these topics, showing no signs of anger for having his personal privacy invaded. Instead, he nodded in understanding; he’d experienced countless emotions throughout all these years and understood too many people…from Lin Jingheng’s headstrongness, Monoeyed Hawk’s rebelliousness, Prime Minister Edward’s practicalism, Turan’s defiance, Saturday’s betrayal, and even Woolf’s deviousness and Lin Jingshu’s craziness.

“Lu Xin was a…” Lin Jingheng stopped and couldn’t find a proper adjective to describe the man.

Lu Xin wasn’t simply a dependable protector to him when he was young, the man was like a whole world that gave this isolated child aimlessly wandering the universe a corner of belonging.

After what felt like an eternity, he finally explained in a reserved and unbiased manner: “The oath of the Black Orchid Academy was ‘I swear upon my enrollment that I will fight for the lives and physical assets of every legal citizen of the Union, regardless of age or sex, until the end of my life.’ Everyone had said it, but not everyone could uphold its spirit; Lu Xin was the one person I knew that could uphold this oath until his death no matter how much he had been wronged, no matter how much mocking and suffering he had to go through.”

Not even Lu Xin’s mentor had been able to accomplish this. That once admirable old man stepped over billions of lost lives onto another path years after the death of his student. Not even Lu Xin’s comrades in the past had been able to accomplish it either, still stuck in between the living nightmare of the power struggle between the Union and Eighth Galaxy, unsure where to go. Among his followers, many died with their beliefs, but those that survived also changed over the decades as they drowned themselves in endless political battles.

“Zhanlu told me that you once snuck out of the academy and took him back to Commander Lu’s mansion, almost physically ripping yourself into pieces inside the incomplete energy fields. They then locked you up inside a medical capsule and secretly sent you back to the Black Orchid Academy, where the school locked you up for a few days until everything was settled.” Lu Bixing suddenly asked, “Were you awake the whole time?”

“There were anesthetics inside the capsule; by the time I woke up I was already back at school….why?”

“Anesthetics, huh.” Lu Bixing let out a breath of air and gently pulled Lin Jingheng over into a soft embrace. His hands traced down Lin Jingheng’s spine as if he was looking for that old scar left from that teenager’s reckless act and said, “This place still hurts, right? Improper usage of anesthetics could leave a lasting scar for the rest of your life. I know, I have the same problem.”

Lin Jingheng was taken aback for a moment; the area that Lu Bixing’s fingers pressed on his back stung in sharp pain as it consumed Lin Jingheng’s whole body like a raging tsunami, forcing the man to bend down slightly in discomfort.

A sixteen-year-old Lin Jingheng, a Lu Bixing sixteen years ago.

The Lu Bixing that slowly learned to control his new body on planet Cayley, swearing to conquer himself and the universe; the Lin Jingheng that faced countless failed attempts at breaking the signal barrier in the galactic prison, staring at the Eighth Galaxy star like a bewitched madman every night.

It was as if they two followed each other’s footsteps in a circle until they reunited, only to see how familiar those scars and dust engraved on each other’s bodies looked.

“How could I possibly let go of you?” Lu Bixing spoke softly, “I’m just afraid…that if I get too close to you and hold onto you too tightly, I will hurt you. Can you remove that one-direction tracking device? I have to fight with myself countless times every day because of it, wasting at least an hour every day thinking about all these things. It’s too tiring, I can’t even work properly with these distractions.”

“Who made you fight with yourself?”

“I can’t….become a hateful person because of my selfishness.”

The one I love is you, my one and only guardian of the galaxy, not the me that wants to chain you down with my own hands.

Lin Jingheng wrapped his arm around the young man’s waist and felt that suppressed weak and trembling breathing. The corner of his eyes scanned past the crystal ball hiding by the windowsill and he felt his heart suddenly illuminated with adoration, then said: “The Silver Ten is content staying in the Eighth Galaxy. After leaving the Union, they’ve spent their time wandering the universe; after two decades, they finally found a place to settle down. I heard Thomas and that one student of yours are ready to swear in as brothers. The Silver Ten swears their loyalty to the Pledge of Freedom, and in our eyes the branches of this tree have already withered and died in the Union; only the Eighth Galaxy is still nourishing a seed of the pledge. No matter how many times you’ve wavered, you still managed to nourish this seed and coax it back out to grow with your hands. The Silver Ten willingly enlisted within the Eighth Galaxy’s Defense Force not because of my order, but because they were drawn in by the Eighth Galaxy…by you. Do you understand?”

Lu Bixing stood in shock.

Lin Jingheng reached a hand out and held Lu Bixing’s wrist that carried his personal device: “Have you really not tracked my location with this before?”

“……no.”

“If one day the Union and Eighth Galaxy finally turn their backs on each other, will you be like Woolf…my mentor, and decide to throw away two whole galaxies to achieve your goals?”

Lu Bixing’s lips trembled slightly.

“You won’t.” Lin Jingheng let out a small sigh, “Prime Minister, we decided to stay in the Eighth Galaxy because we trust your morals. If the day really comes where we have to choose, we also believe that you will do everything you can to prevent meaningless sacrifices. We chose to stand by your side because we believe that you can lead everyone to a better future.”

Lin Jingheng was headstrong and unafraid to pull the trigger all his life; he was used to handling everything on his own without consulting anyone else.

Even when it came to his own emotions, it was always one-sided pampering and one-sided display of love.

This was the first time in his life where he pulled back his pride and stepped down from the stage to tell someone else “we trust you.”

This was the highest praise and compliment from the fierce king of wolves.

Lu Bixing forgot to breathe for a moment and felt his heart about to burst, then asked in a slightly incoherent voice: “You believe in me?”

“What else did you expect? Simply because I like you?” Lin Jingheng said, “If that was the case I would’ve already kidnapped you away and kept you under surveillance every day so that you wouldn’t run out and cause trouble…hiss…”

Lu Bixing turned his head and brushed his trembling lips across Lin Jingheng’s neck. The nerves on Lin Jingheng’s neck seemed to be a little bit dysfunctional; the one side with the scar was less sensitive than the other, he could only feel a slight bit of pain even if he was bitten. The other side was the complete opposite and almost a no-touch zone that could stiffen him up with even the lightest breeze of air. He instinctively leaned back only to have the back of his head fall right into Lu Bixing’s hand. The young man suddenly asked without thinking: “Can I kiss you?”

Lin Jingheng: “……”

He wasn’t someone who was easily flustered; if necessary, he could even run around naked because it was only flesh to him.

But those few words earlier from the bottom of his heart were too difficult to express and were much more embarrassing than exposing his skin, so he suddenly grew strangely flustered as he refuted: “No, I didn’t say I was done being mad at you, bugger off.”

Lu Bixing gave a small “oh” response, but pressed Lin Jingheng down on a training equipment the next moment and invaded his lips and breathing. The sharp fangs crushed Lin Jingheng’s lips as if ready to rip through that thin layer of skin and consume him whole.

The heavy burden of trust and responsibility dropped onto Lu Bixing’s shoulders, but it didn’t suffocate him as he had expected. Instead, it felt like a heavy piece of armor that dropped and supported his injured body with a peerless layer of protection.

He was like a knight ready to fall on his knees that was suddenly given the courage to pick up his sword once again.